The candidates have finally been released! For those
not familiar with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to
the person who provided the Universal human gene pool the biggest
service by getting KILLED in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As

always, competition again this year has been keen.


DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES



* In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got
stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first
through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

* In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco
stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged
off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an
8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside
it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or
protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at
the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath

5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their
hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him
while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a
hospital.

* In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in
Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle
shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight
he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the
base of his skull as he hit the floor.

* According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet
Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet
Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not
penetrate the flak vest Berrena was wearing.

* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in
February in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said
he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth
and pull the trigger.

* In February, according to police in Windsor,
Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on
collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were
playing with their snowmobiles.

DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS

* In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to
kill a millipede with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the
bullet ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio
Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.

* In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins,
attempting to clean out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a
broom in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that burned the
first and second floors of his house.

* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover
Township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a
quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around

at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out
the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice
the window was closed.

RUNNER UP....

TACOMA, WA

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from
the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation
grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of
the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge
they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who
had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around
Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at
the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say, "
said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night."
"There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never
located.

AND THE WINNER....

PADERBORN, GERMANY

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated
elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel
of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally
let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of $hit!
investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give
the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast
unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his
head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to
evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn
police detective Erik Dern. 'with no one
there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It
seems to be just one of those freak accidents that "shithappens."

so, why are most of them yanks ????
answers on a postcard to ....

the president?

quote:

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Originally posted by ned
the president?

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quote:

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Originally posted by timf

quote:

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Originally posted by ned
the president?

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nah he can't read

sent to our home secretary

then it will be a case of the blind leading the blind

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quote:

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Originally posted by Scotty
so, why are most of them yanks ????
answers on a postcard to ....

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As funny as they are I beleive that they mostly aren't true...as much as you would like them to be...

snopes

From my experience Steve is correct....there is every bit as much stupidity per capita on both sides of the pond....

nearly everyone i seem to meet is, if not stupid, at least uninspired. So yeah, theres mugs everywhere...

we do have a certain cream of the crop on here though. such a difference between intelligence, common sense and education though.

I'll second that Alan. There are people in the U.K. who believe it's possible to build your own car for £250, how stupid's that.

[Edited on 17/3/04 by Peteff]

quote:

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Originally posted by JoelP
we do have a certain cream of the crop on here though. such a difference between intelligence, common sense and education though.

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ha.

sgraber
no real offence meant

i have family who live in the usa, but in the uk, (and as has been pointed out before) the americans tend to be the butt of jokes
oops, have i upset you again

No offence taken. I am a pretty good natured fellow. (Ask Alan) You'd have to talk bad about my mother or kids to get me really upset.

It just seemed a little unfair to be picking on the fat stoopid 'mericans again! (Picking up your reference to being the BUTT of the jokes..)

LOL

Graber

Yes, it's true...

quite where is it in the USA that Jerry Springer picks his audience from?

Thats gotta be a pretty stoopid place....

atb

steve

quote:

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Originally posted by stephen_gusterson
quite where is it in the USA that Jerry Springer picks his audience from?

Thats gotta be a pretty stoopid place....

atb

steve

---

It's Jerry Springer's fault! I would say that show in itself is massively responsible for allowing stupid people to publicise themselves so effectively. The result being that that is what we largely see of Americans so it makes people think the whole population is as dumb as them.

We have some programs like that here (but mercifully I'd imagine 'Tricia' isn't shown in Berlin/Paris very often). If that was all that other countries saw of us then I'd imaging they'd think the whole population was a bunch of 14 year old pregnant slappers with no idea who out of a collection of 10 spotty, baseball cap wearing, Nova driving tossers they'd rutted like jackals with up some needle ridden alley with the main aim that a "buybee" would bring them life-long happiness, a future away from the sink-estate and a council flat!

Anyway, that turned into a http://www.tvgohome.com rant then but you get the point!

I've known several Americans and all were lovely and extremely intellient- but the automatic reaction is still: "Oh, Americans- they're all dumb!". Even tho they've all been intelligent graduates and one of whom has just graduated top of the class as a USAF pilot and was over here because she was on sabatical here as a rocket scientist designing satellite propulsion systems!
She now teaching people to fly F18s IIRC!


Cheers,

James

[Edited on 18/3/04 by James]

Its great being cornish, we can pick on the english, welsh, scottish, french americans...etc etc etc
and everybody thinks we are wonderful
oh arrrr!

ps this list above is not necessary in any particular order

now where did i leave me tractor............

quote:

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Originally posted by James
It's Jerry Springer's fault! I would say that show in itself is massively responsible for allowing stupid people to publicise themselves so effectively. The result being that that is what we largely see of Americans so it makes people think the whole population is as dumb as them.

---

quote:

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Originally posted by sgraber
Now hold on just one second! What you have suggested is that you (the Brits and possibly other entire nations) are formulating opinion about an entire nation of people based on the contents of its' TELEVISION Shows!!! ?

Just think about that. Who is being stupid here?

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Jesse,

I'm completely in agreement with ALL of your statements.

Media is a powerful tool.

<rant mode ON>

If one can understand how media is used to influence and exert control over public opinion then one begins to understand that almost everything shown on TV is presented in such a way as to alter our perception of reality. In my mind, NEWS is the most blatant of the media manipulators.

My advice to anyone who watches the news and then formulates an opinion about the world based on what they see or hear needs to take a real hard look at what is being done to their brain. This applies to BOTH sides of every issue. Not much more needs to be said about it.

OK I can't help myself. <double rant mode ON>

Let me assure you. President Bush is not a stupid man AT ALL. Do you REALLY think that a stupid person can ascend to the highest office in the most powerful nation in the world by being stupid?! GIMME A FUCKING BREAK! He's sly like a FOX! Furthermore, I can virtually guarantee that any opinion you (or I) have formulated regarding events that occur in the world are
ALL based on the non-objective views and biases presented by the media outlet that you choose to receive them from. Even worse, the only events you and I see are predetermined by the media. So you never get to see a full picture of ANYTHING!!!. (Kinda like that earlier post about the helicopter shooting at the 'poor innocent' Iraqi soldiers... who were setting up mortars to kill people.)

And to further make my point. Regarding President Bush and his supposed stupidity: If you believe he is stupid-- Are you formulating a judgement about him based on the 3 second sound bites that have been chosen for you by the media outlets in your particular country? Which media outlets? Take a step back and try to understand WHY you have an opinion about him. Don't be close-minded about it... That's right. You've been GIVEN an opinion about him. There is a greater purpose to this manipulation than you or I know.

<whew - rant mode OFF>

It's a mind bleep alright.

Graber

[Edited on 3/18/04 by sgraber]

Yep....Steve and James are both correct IMO.

I've seen both sides of this one.

I visit people....they offer me tea...(I hate tea..)

I get asked about Diana...I say sorry I didn't know her..

Then the other side....when people visit me from the UK...

Aren't you scared of crime?....nope, see or hear of very little in my area..

The cars here are too big......nope, not when several hundred mile journeys are quite normal...

There are far more similarities between the US and the UK than there are differences.....certainly true from my experience of nearly 10 years here...

My advice to Brits...come out for a visit...get away from tourist areas...meet real people who aren't being paid to say "have a nice day"....(TBH I have not heard that for ages..)....

I think John Lennon got it right....

"yeah, America....just like England with knobs on......."

quote:

---

Originally posted by Alan B
My advice to Brits...come out for a visit...

---

A few more misconceptions or truths. Not meant to encite, just things to chew on.

American presidents get elected cos they have the money and background to get there. Are we to assume that bush senior and junior were both the best for the job, or best that the system (ie their powerbase and connections and money) could support.

Isnt Kerry married to one of the most richest women in America? Have there ever been any poor presidents?

Having said that, Blair isnt exactly a pauper, being a trained barrister (highest level lawyer) with most of his cabinet being same.


Do amercans (as I have read many times) REALLY believe that you MUST own a gun, to protect yourself against the over powerful state machine? Like I can just imagine us in the UK needing guns to get rid of labour cos there are too many speed cameras.... (no - wait a minute....)

Now the really serious stuff.

Scoobie Doo. Whats with that. Why dont those pesky kids just KNOW that the ghost is a guy in a blanket - he's even got the same friggin voice each week! Obvious proof that American kids are dumb.

And Columbo. Its always the first person he speaks to that did the crime. Whats the point of the rest of the 59 minutes of the program!

Also - an American mis-conception is that British food is bad.

Hah.

McDonalds, hotdogs, meatloaf, Tacho Bell, I name but a few - not exactly culinary delights!


I have been to the states 14 times - mostly to Wisconsin area (about 8 times) and boy, are there some fat bas$&^ds around there.

Nice people, but not exactly adverts for American cuisine.

Oh yeah - Budwieser - whats that all about - an alternative for people that dont wanna drink beer?




ATB

Steve

Columbo watcher, slightly over weight, but not by much, becoming less of a Labour supporter by the day (wouldnt be a republican) anti gun, anti smoking kit car builder.


[Edited on 18/3/04 by stephen_gusterson]

quote:

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Originally posted by stephen_gusterson
Columbo watcher, slightly over weight, but not by much, becoming less of a Labour supporter by the day (wouldnt be a republican) anti gun, anti smoking kit car builder.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by JoelP

quote:

---

Originally posted by stephen_gusterson
Columbo watcher, slightly over weight, but not by much, becoming less of a Labour supporter by the day (wouldnt be a republican) anti gun, anti smoking kit car builder.

---

Im only talking a stone (6kg or 14lb of you dont understand old money)



atb

steve


Hey! Thats nearly me! cept im not overweight...

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Steve....the VAST majority of people I know here are not gun owners...and those that are have them for hunting purposes...

I totally agree they should be harder to get and not an automatic privelige.

Food...erm...I quite like hot dogs and meatloaf, but agree that except for breakfast McDs is pretty shite...

Funny, anyone I know here who says UK food is shite quotes cockles, mussles, tripe, eels, liver, kidney....and I agree IMO those things are REALLY shite....

I tell them they should try some good old proper English food, like a chicken Tandoori, or a beef vindaloo...

And, as I've said before to anyone visiting Florida my kettle is always on, workshop open, and beer waiting....

OK...now after my defence of the US, now my gripes...

<rant>

Sport....

Other than baseball, which is excellent, the rest is total f*****g rubbish....

Football, a game where your feet virtually never touch the ball...you score touchdowns were you don't actually touch the ball down.....how anyone can excited about it is totally beyond me...

Basketball...utter garbage...how can anything with a score of 120 v 88 be exciting...there's a basket like every 10 seconds...and if you aren't 6'8" you have little chance....

Hockey...now it could be my eyes..but how the hell do you see anything happening????

NASCAR.....no please don't get me started on this crap...this racing is for stock cars...is it bollocks.....no cars here have carbs...they are nearly all OHC FWD V6's NOT pushrod RWD V8's....that's really stock....NOT.......even Toyota are having to design a pushrod V8 just so they can compete....

</rant>

But yeah, other than that I love it here...

And yes, I acknowledge that F1 is pretty crappy right now too...

quote:

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Originally posted by Alan B
And, as I've said before to anyone visiting Florida my kettle is always on, workshop open, and beer waiting....

---

all agreed

what is it that mcdonals dont do the egg burger things all day?

Id have one of those all the time

doofusses

atb

steve

that new big tasty is great, a proper sized burger

"Do amercans (as I have read many times) REALLY believe that you MUST own a gun, to protect yourself against the over powerful state machine? Like I can just imagine us in the UK needing guns to get rid of labour cos there are too many speed cameras.... (no - wait a minute....) "

The gun owner that I know, feel that me should have the right to own guns so we hopefully won't NEED to protect ourselves from an opressive government.

I for one would love to have some recipes for Britt, Scott, Irish foods. (Hint Hint)

If anyone from across the pond wanted to visit my area (semi-touristy), I would be glad to arange a little trip to one of the local public shooting areas, just so you can see we're not all Rambo/Dirty Harry. I've never shot anything bigger than a Squirrel.

I'm "Mostly Harmless"

Also a stupid question refering to an English movie? In Bend it Like Beckham, the Indian girls Dad works at Heathrow, and wears some sort of uniform. Any idea what his job was?

Someone wil answer better I'm sure, but I'd guess he was a customs officer or something like that at the airport.

Good movie BTW, I loved it......

quote:

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Originally posted by The ShootistIf anyone from across the pond wanted to visit my area (semi-touristy)

---

Chattanooga, TN ... located in the tri-state area where Tennessee, Georgia, and Alabama meet.


Straight up I-75 for you Alan.

I've got a Grandmother on the Florida coast at Mims (Space Coast area). Where in FLA are you?

Yeah, I know Chattanooga....very pretty...didn't stop though, just passed through heading north....

I'm about 1 hour south of Mims, about 4 miles off I-95...

im off on a tour of america one day, always wanted to go. maybe visit all the states just for a variety! or import my next car and go on tour big time!!!

then again, england may only be a small place but theres so much squeezed in, i love it myself. Havent left these shores in many many years!

PS Steve! I did a geography project on phoenix once, what a bizzare place! flat as f*** and no water is all i remembered!

quote:

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Originally posted by macspeedy
that new big tasty is great, a proper sized burger

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Shootist
"Do amercans (as I have read many times) REALLY believe that you MUST own a gun, to protect yourself against the over powerful state machine? Like I can just imagine us in the UK needing guns to get rid of labour cos there are too many speed cameras.... (no - wait a minute....) "

The gun owner that I know, feel that me should have the right to own guns so we hopefully won't NEED to protect ourselves from an opressive government.

I for one would love to have some recipes for Britt, Scott, Irish foods. (Hint Hint)

If anyone from across the pond wanted to visit my area (semi-touristy), I would be glad to arange a little trip to one of the local public shooting areas, just so you can see we're not all Rambo/Dirty Harry. I've never shot anything bigger than a Squirrel.

I'm "Mostly Harmless"

Also a stupid question refering to an English movie? In Bend it Like Beckham, the Indian girls Dad works at Heathrow, and wears some sort of uniform. Any idea what his job was?

---

i could eat 2 on 1 occassion...

quote:

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Originally posted by macspeedy
i could eat 2 on 1 occassion...

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quote:

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Originally posted by JoelP......Steve! I did a geography project on phoenix once, what a bizzare place! flat as f*** ........

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quote:

---

Originally posted by JoelP
PS Steve! I did a geography project on phoenix once, what a bizzare place! flat as f*** and no water is all i remembered!

---

I spent a day in LA once on the boulevard of Venice BEach.


I thought id died and gone to heaven.

It was right out of baywatch. Leggy babes just rollerblading around waiting to be discovered. It was totally unreal.

I stayed off muscle beach - just didnt seem fair to humble the regular guys and the girls would have been so dissapointed to know I could only stay the day....


atb

steve

[Edited on 18/3/04 by stephen_gusterson]

LOL!

That's real charitable of you Steve!

James

quote:

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Originally posted by sgraber
I watch Benny Hill.... Am I thinking that your entire nation behaves like that?!Graber

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quote:

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Originally posted by macspeedy
i could eat 2 on 1 occassion...

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quote:

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Originally posted by timf

quote:

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Originally posted by sgraber
I watch Benny Hill.... Am I thinking that your entire nation behaves like that?!Graber

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steve you`ve met alan havent you

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quote:

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Originally posted by GO

Try White Castle, now there's some burgers for ya...

20 (yes twenty!) steam cooked beef burgers, 5 bucks.

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quote:

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Originally posted by GO

What did amuse me though were the tiny hick towns ('scuse the expression). They're great, you're on the road in the middle of nowhere and you see this sign, InbredsVille, population 15. No kidding. Ok, so the name I invented. Man, how do you live in a place like that??

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