timf
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| posted on 17/3/04 at 11:21 AM |
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darwin awards
The candidates have finally been released! For those
not familiar with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to
the person who provided the Universal human gene pool the biggest
service by getting KILLED in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As
always, competition again this year has been keen.
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
* In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got
stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first
through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
* In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco
stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged
off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an
8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside
it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or
protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at
the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath
5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their
hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him
while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a
hospital.
* In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in
Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle
shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight
he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the
base of his skull as he hit the floor.
* According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet
Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet
Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not
penetrate the flak vest Berrena was wearing.
* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in
February in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said
he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth
and pull the trigger.
* In February, according to police in Windsor,
Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on
collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were
playing with their snowmobiles.
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
* In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to
kill a millipede with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the
bullet ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio
Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.
* In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins,
attempting to clean out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a
broom in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that burned the
first and second floors of his house.
* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover
Township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a
quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around
at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out
the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice
the window was closed.
RUNNER UP....
TACOMA, WA
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from
the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation
grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of
the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge
they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who
had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around
Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at
the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say, "
said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night."
"There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never
located.
AND THE WINNER....
PADERBORN, GERMANY
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated
elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel
of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally
let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of $hit!
investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give
the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast
unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his
head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to
evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn
police detective Erik Dern. 'with no one
there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It
seems to be just one of those freak accidents that "shithappens."
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Scotty
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| posted on 17/3/04 at 12:40 PM |
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so, why are most of them yanks ????
answers on a postcard to ....
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ned
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| posted on 17/3/04 at 01:02 PM |
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the president?
beware, I've got yellow skin
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timf
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| posted on 17/3/04 at 01:29 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by ned
the president?
nah he can't read
sent to our home secretary
then it will be a case of the blind leading the blind
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Scotty
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| posted on 17/3/04 at 03:01 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by timf
quote:
Originally posted by ned
the president?
nah he can't read
sent to our home secretary
then it will be a case of the blind leading the blind
or the terminally stupid !
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sgraber
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| posted on 17/3/04 at 08:02 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Scotty
so, why are most of them yanks ????
answers on a postcard to ....
Well Scotty... first off I'll assume that you are not referring to ME with your insinuation that the USA is filled with more stupid people than
anywhere else.  Whatever the case, I know my own mental capacity and am capable of understanding that it has nothing to do with where I hail from.
(Did I see you at the last MENSA meeting?)
So getting back to the question you asked above.
The USA (Need I remind you?-- the one which you Brit's LOST a few centuries back), is quite a bit larger than England. There are well over 275
million people living here (in relative peace and stability) on a land mass that is so much larger than the entire continent of Europe that it almost
defies comprehension. The population happens to be comprised of a great number of immigrants hailing from every nation in the world, as well as the
descendants of the BRITS who originally colonized this land. Therefore, I propose that the sheer quantity of stupid people is bound to be
larger.
I think it would be a more relevant statistic to determine the RATIO of stupid people to total population. Perhaps the UK would lead in that category?
 
Steve <all in good natured fun - of course>
[Edited on 3/17/04 by sgraber]
Steve Graber
http://www.grabercars.com/
"Quickness through lightness"
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Alan B
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| posted on 17/3/04 at 08:12 PM |
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As funny as they are I beleive that they mostly aren't true...as much as you would like them to be...
snopes
From my experience Steve is correct....there is every bit as much stupidity per capita on both sides of the pond....
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JoelP
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| posted on 17/3/04 at 08:45 PM |
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nearly everyone i seem to meet is, if not stupid, at least uninspired. So yeah, theres mugs everywhere...
we do have a certain cream of the crop on here though. such a difference between intelligence, common sense and education though.
Beware! Bourettes is binfectious.
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Peteff
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| posted on 17/3/04 at 08:48 PM |
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I'll second that Alan. There are people in the U.K. who believe it's possible to build your own car for £250, how stupid's that.
[Edited on 17/3/04 by Peteff]
yours, Pete
I went into the RSPCA office the other day. It was so small you could hardly swing a cat in there.
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Staple balls
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| posted on 17/3/04 at 08:49 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by JoelP
we do have a certain cream of the crop on here though. such a difference between intelligence, common sense and education though.
yeah...... and leeds has none..
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JoelP
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| posted on 18/3/04 at 12:10 AM |
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ha.
Beware! Bourettes is binfectious.
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Scotty
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| posted on 18/3/04 at 11:28 AM |
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sgraber
no real offence meant
i have family who live in the usa, but in the uk, (and as has been pointed out before) the americans tend to be the butt of jokes
oops, have i upset you again
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sgraber
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| posted on 18/3/04 at 03:12 PM |
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No offence taken. I am a pretty good natured fellow. (Ask Alan) You'd have to talk bad about my mother or kids to get me really upset.
It just seemed a little unfair to be picking on the fat stoopid 'mericans again! (Picking up your reference to being the BUTT of the jokes..)
LOL
Graber
Steve Graber
http://www.grabercars.com/
"Quickness through lightness"
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Alan B
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| posted on 18/3/04 at 03:34 PM |
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Yes, it's true...
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stephen_gusterson
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| posted on 18/3/04 at 04:19 PM |
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quite where is it in the USA that Jerry Springer picks his audience from?
Thats gotta be a pretty stoopid place....
atb
steve
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sgraber
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| posted on 18/3/04 at 04:24 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by stephen_gusterson
quite where is it in the USA that Jerry Springer picks his audience from?
Thats gotta be a pretty stoopid place....
atb
steve
That would be the neighborhood behind my house...
Steve Graber
http://www.grabercars.com/
"Quickness through lightness"
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James
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| posted on 18/3/04 at 04:36 PM |
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It's Jerry Springer's fault! I would say that show in itself is massively responsible for allowing stupid people to publicise themselves
so effectively. The result being that that is what we largely see of Americans so it makes people think the whole population is as dumb as them.
We have some programs like that here (but mercifully I'd imagine 'Tricia' isn't shown in Berlin/Paris very often). If that was
all that other countries saw of us then I'd imaging they'd think the whole population was a bunch of 14 year old pregnant slappers with no
idea who out of a collection of 10 spotty, baseball cap wearing, Nova driving tossers they'd rutted like jackals with up some needle ridden
alley with the main aim that a "buybee" would bring them life-long happiness, a future away from the sink-estate and a council flat!
Anyway, that turned into a http://www.tvgohome.com rant then but you get the point!
I've known several Americans and all were lovely and extremely intellient- but the automatic reaction is still: "Oh, Americans-
they're all dumb!". Even tho they've all been intelligent graduates and one of whom has just graduated top of the class as a USAF
pilot and was over here because she was on sabatical here as a rocket scientist designing satellite propulsion systems!
She now teaching people to fly F18s IIRC!
Cheers,
James
[Edited on 18/3/04 by James]
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Scotty
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| posted on 18/3/04 at 04:56 PM |
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Its great being cornish, we can pick on the english, welsh, scottish, french americans...etc etc etc
and everybody thinks we are wonderful
oh arrrr!
ps this list above is not necessary in any particular order
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Scotty
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| posted on 18/3/04 at 04:57 PM |
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now where did i leave me tractor............
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sgraber
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| posted on 18/3/04 at 05:27 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by James
It's Jerry Springer's fault! I would say that show in itself is massively responsible for allowing stupid people to publicise
themselves so effectively. The result being that that is what we largely see of Americans so it makes people think the whole population is as
dumb as them.
Now hold on just one second! What you have suggested is that you (the Brits and possibly other entire nations) are formulating opinion about an entire
nation of people based on the contents of its' TELEVISION Shows!!! ?
Just think about that. Who is being stupid here?
I've always been able to differentiate between shock tv that is created simply for mindless entertainment (Springer-Wrestling...), reality tv
(Survivor, Bachelor) which is also created for mindless entertainment and REALITY reality.
I watch Faulty Towers and Benny Hill.... Am I thinking that your entire nation behaves like that?! I think NOT.
Graber
Steve Graber
http://www.grabercars.com/
"Quickness through lightness"
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James
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| posted on 18/3/04 at 05:48 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by sgraber
Now hold on just one second! What you have suggested is that you (the Brits and possibly other entire nations) are formulating opinion about an entire
nation of people based on the contents of its' TELEVISION Shows!!! ?
Just think about that. Who is being stupid here?
That is what I'm suggesting- I believe it very strongly that people form their opinions with very little factual basis at all. If that
wasn't the case would Tony Blair etc. care so much what is on the front page of The Sun each day!
I hear conversations on this sort of topic all the time... "dammit, Americans are so dumb, I mean I was watching Springer on telly last night...
you wouldn't believe the dumb mother f£$%ers they have in that country". You constantly here it in all sorts of media too.
Don't get me wrong- you're perfectly right in saying people who form opinions based on a TV show are themselves foolish but when
we're constantly subjected to a barrage of shows where people are stupid then the cumulative effect *will* have an influence.
Another example:
Aged 11-13 I lived in The Netherlands. I went to the English speaking international school there. The pupils were largely the children of diplomats
and Ambassadors from literally all over the world. The amount of times I was told that in Britain we all sat on the lawn at 5pm and drank tea served
on a platter by the butler was ridiculous!
Another example:
About two years ago my father was asked by a German colleague (a 35 year-old electronics engineer graduate) if he didn't think that it was
unhygienic to be eating fish and chips from old newspapers!
I could think of more examples but I'm 10 minutes late for work already. People form their opinions on the information that's available to
them. In this case, what we tend to get from America is shows about stupid people and violent people. So people think Americans are stupid and
violent!
George Bush is continually put forward as being stupid. Daily, in the papers, TV, radio, you will see him protrayed here and in Europe as no better
than a chimp. Personally I don't think someone who's managed to get elected as President can actually be that stupid. But, the cumulative
effect of it all is that a lot of people here think he is.
It's effectively propaganda- but the cumulative effect is it works eventually!
Anyway, I blathered on here and I'm in a rush so apologies for spelling or anything you read here as insulting through my bad wording,
it's not my intention!
All the best,
James
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sgraber
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| posted on 18/3/04 at 06:30 PM |
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Jesse,
I'm completely in agreement with ALL of your statements.
Media is a powerful tool.
<rant mode ON>
If one can understand how media is used to influence and exert control over public opinion then one begins to understand that almost everything shown
on TV is presented in such a way as to alter our perception of reality. In my mind, NEWS is the most blatant of the media manipulators.
My advice to anyone who watches the news and then formulates an opinion about the world based on what they see or hear needs to take a real hard look
at what is being done to their brain. This applies to BOTH sides of every issue. Not much more needs to be said about it.
OK I can't help myself. <double rant mode ON>
Let me assure you. President Bush is not a stupid man AT ALL. Do you REALLY think that a stupid person can ascend to the highest office in the most
powerful nation in the world by being stupid?! GIMME A FUCKING BREAK! He's sly like a FOX! Furthermore, I can virtually guarantee that any
opinion you (or I) have formulated regarding events that occur in the world are
ALL based on the non-objective views and biases presented by the media outlet that you choose to receive them from. Even worse, the only events you
and I see are predetermined by the media. So you never get to see a full picture of ANYTHING!!!. (Kinda like that earlier post about the helicopter
shooting at the 'poor innocent' Iraqi soldiers... who were setting up mortars to kill people.)
And to further make my point. Regarding President Bush and his supposed stupidity: If you believe he is stupid-- Are you formulating a judgement
about him based on the 3 second sound bites that have been chosen for you by the media outlets in your particular country? Which media outlets? Take a
step back and try to understand WHY you have an opinion about him. Don't be close-minded about it... That's right. You've been GIVEN
an opinion about him. There is a greater purpose to this manipulation than you or I know.
<whew - rant mode OFF>
It's a mind bleep alright.
Graber
[Edited on 3/18/04 by sgraber]
Steve Graber
http://www.grabercars.com/
"Quickness through lightness"
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Alan B
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| posted on 18/3/04 at 06:57 PM |
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Yep....Steve and James are both correct IMO.
I've seen both sides of this one.
I visit people....they offer me tea...(I hate tea..)
I get asked about Diana...I say sorry I didn't know her..
Then the other side....when people visit me from the UK...
Aren't you scared of crime?....nope, see or hear of very little in my area..
The cars here are too big......nope, not when several hundred mile journeys are quite normal...
There are far more similarities between the US and the UK than there are differences.....certainly true from my experience of nearly 10 years
here...
My advice to Brits...come out for a visit...get away from tourist areas...meet real people who aren't being paid to say "have a nice
day"....(TBH I have not heard that for ages..)....
I think John Lennon got it right....
"yeah, America....just like England with knobs on......."
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JoelP
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| posted on 18/3/04 at 07:05 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Alan B
My advice to Brits...come out for a visit...
what a lovely offer alan. whats your nearest airport again?! put kettle on....
Beware! Bourettes is binfectious.
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stephen_gusterson
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| posted on 18/3/04 at 07:06 PM |
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A few more misconceptions or truths. Not meant to encite, just things to chew on.
American presidents get elected cos they have the money and background to get there. Are we to assume that bush senior and junior were both the best
for the job, or best that the system (ie their powerbase and connections and money) could support.
Isnt Kerry married to one of the most richest women in America? Have there ever been any poor presidents?
Having said that, Blair isnt exactly a pauper, being a trained barrister (highest level lawyer) with most of his cabinet being same.
Do amercans (as I have read many times) REALLY believe that you MUST own a gun, to protect yourself against the over powerful state machine? Like I
can just imagine us in the UK needing guns to get rid of labour cos there are too many speed cameras.... (no - wait a minute....)
Now the really serious stuff.
Scoobie Doo. Whats with that. Why dont those pesky kids just KNOW that the ghost is a guy in a blanket - he's even got the same friggin voice
each week! Obvious proof that American kids are dumb.
And Columbo. Its always the first person he speaks to that did the crime. Whats the point of the rest of the 59 minutes of the program!
Also - an American mis-conception is that British food is bad.
Hah.
McDonalds, hotdogs, meatloaf, Tacho Bell, I name but a few - not exactly culinary delights!
I have been to the states 14 times - mostly to Wisconsin area (about 8 times) and boy, are there some fat bas$&^ds around there.
Nice people, but not exactly adverts for American cuisine.
Oh yeah - Budwieser - whats that all about - an alternative for people that dont wanna drink beer?
ATB
Steve
Columbo watcher, slightly over weight, but not by much, becoming less of a Labour supporter by the day (wouldnt be a republican) anti gun, anti
smoking kit car builder.
[Edited on 18/3/04 by stephen_gusterson]
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