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Author: Subject: Do I go back to work?
02GF74

posted on 29/5/18 at 09:13 AM Reply With Quote
Do I go back to work?

Following on from my post about the loss of my sister - thanks for all the kind comments, it is still hard to accept what has happened. The one person who I care about more than any other has been taken away from me so not only has it has left a huge hole in my life but the thought that I will live maybe 30 odd years without her is hard to contemplate.

The decision now is do I go back to work?

The job I was most happy in was outsourced back in 2013 and I have since had 3 jobs chosen nearby so that I can cycle into work (ok, so due to the distance of 2 of them, I managed cycling maybe 10 times a year).

In Jan this year, I started a job 3.5 miles away where I can cycle everyday, the pay is good and company pays 10% to pension but there is nothing that excites me about the job content itself. The plan was to work a few years, maybe until I am 60 (I'm 54 now) to grab as much money as possible, sell up to buy a house near Exmoor with a 1 bed house on same land to let out but the recent events make me realise that life can be short and unpredictable.

My manager is very understanding (his wife had a cancer scare) and I have been off work since start of May (working from home prior to that) and was planning to return to the office 11 June. My feelings right now is I do not want to go back.

Relatives and friends are giving conflicting advice - continue to work to keep in a routine and decide what to do later or just stop and realise your dream.

I haven't looked into the finances re: pensions but with the inheritance from my sister and once her house is sold, I don't need to work anymore - the value of my free time far exceeds the need for paid work.

A possible compromise would be to work 2-3 days a week, at reduced pay, to see how things pan out - right now I am flitting each week between the two houses as there is water damage from neighbours burst pipe at my sister's house so I would like to have the time to sort that out.

Comments and advice welcome.






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jacko

posted on 29/5/18 at 09:24 AM Reply With Quote
Im very sorry to read about your sister ,

As you know i lost my mum two weeks ago

All i can say is don't rush back to work take your time go see the doctor and get a sick note and lets hope time is a healer
Graham

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David Jenkins

posted on 29/5/18 at 11:32 AM Reply With Quote
Yours is a sad situation to be in.

If it was me in your situation, I would do something/anything to get out of the house and thinking about things other than your feelings of loss. Anything that gets you meeting other people and so on. Whether that's work or some form of social activity is up to you.

Just don't sit around the house brooding, as that can lead to depression or similar.

Best wishes for the future,
David






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russbost

posted on 29/5/18 at 12:00 PM Reply With Quote
Firstly, my condolences, it's always a difficult time.

This is something that is different for everyone.

I certainly agree re the comments about keeping busy & not being alone & brooding, equally well some people might find going back to work they don't particularly enjoy as depressing as being on their own

I would have thought if you have the option to go back to work 2 or 3 days a week, at least for a while that might be a good compromise. If you are involved with dealing with your late sister's estate then I can assure you having dealt with similar it will take up waaaay more of your time than you can ever figure, particularly if you have a house to clear, furniture & possessions to decide about how to dispose of etc etc

If, over time, you are able to get involved with a job you really enjoy, or, perhaps working for yourself doing something you've always wanted to do, but never been in a position to, then that might be the best of both worlds

What I would say is that this is most definitely NOT the time to make a knee jerk irrevocable reaction that you might later regret, take your time to make a decision you feel comfortable with

Good luck in whatever you choose





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snapper

posted on 29/5/18 at 06:17 PM Reply With Quote
At this moment in tune you need to be as busy as possible, time is the healer but initially you need as little thinking time as possible, you already have evenings and night time to add several days to this so early in a loss would not do you well.
You need time to formulate a plan and perhaps that may involve charity work to do with the cause of your loss.
Once again very sorry for your loss





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v8kid

posted on 29/5/18 at 08:07 PM Reply With Quote
I really an sorry to be brutal but you are not alone or exceptional with your grief. I do not need to recount the stories.

Other people have suffered painful loss and moved on now its your turn.

You are indeed fortunate to have such considerate employers, you may not have guessed this so far but I, and the vast majority of employers, would not be so considerate so in this respect you are indeed lucky.

You are also lucky in other respects, you are not on the breadline, you appear to have less binding commitments than others and you are healthy enough to cycle.

Now is your big chance to expand your horizons - just get on with it and stop regurgitating the pain.

All the Best

David





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posted on 30/5/18 at 12:33 AM Reply With Quote
I deliberately didn't read your original post as I'm a few months past surgery for stage3 prostate cancer. I've hit the point I don't want to read bad news stories. So please accept my condolences and apologies for not offering them sooner.

Personally I'd go back to work but with a plan. It's near enough june. Spend 6 months research what you will do for the rest of your life. You may know where you want to live but what is the community like? You can also then spend 6 months sitting out your sisters estate (although in my very limited experience it can take longer than that). After Christmas your first 6 months are up. Make a plan for the next 6 months. Maybe in that plan you move, maybe you do a world tour. Who knows :-) good luck

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02GF74

posted on 30/6/18 at 09:40 AM Reply With Quote
Thanks for all replies.
Just to put an end to this.

In the end I have gone back to work, simply because a friend's advice was that I am in not the correct frame of mind to make such as decision. The positive is that I am in a routine where I can cycle into work and then run lunchtime twice a week plus the distraction.

Once my sister's house is sold (it's 100 miles from me, after having insurance work due to neighbour's burst water pipe :mad,
the next chapter in my life begins, it will never be the same but change is the only constant in life.

@v8kid - you said what you thought and I'm fine with that. I am indeed fortunate, even more so not having you as my boss
Fancy letting someone have time off to grieve for the sake of losing pay.

If you have brothers/sisters/wife/husband, then statistically one of the stories you have heard is quite likely to become your story, then you will realise, that you know what, money isn't everything.

I would give everything I own and be homeless for the rest of my life to have her back.

As for "get on with it", "snap out of it", "get a grip" etc, I know all that but saying it does not mean it happens. The first year is going to be tough, but as she said "you will cope".

Sad as life is going to be for me for a while, I do not see any alternative.






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