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My letter to Mr Darling
iscmatt - 14/5/09 at 10:44 AM

Dear Mr. Darling,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing Britain's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 20 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them £1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Twenty million job openings - Unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car. Twenty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £50 of alcohol/tobacco a week ......and there's your money back in duty/tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

minitici - 14/5/09 at 10:47 AM

There is an undeniable logic to your argument

PS - I'm over 50

tendoshingan - 14/5/09 at 10:51 AM

Faultless, do it immediately

cd.thomson - 14/5/09 at 10:51 AM

I love it!

only issue is that the UK has a population of 61 million... a third of those are between 50 and 65?

Mr Whippy - 14/5/09 at 10:53 AM

am I right in thinking your plan will cost the tax payer £20,000,000,000,000?! does the UK even have that much money?

richardh - 14/5/09 at 10:54 AM

i love it...............

cd.thomson - 14/5/09 at 10:59 AM

quote:
Originally posted by Mr Whippy
am I right in thinking your plan will cost the tax payer £20,000,000,000,000?! does the UK even have that much money?


if theres one thing ive learnt during this economic crisis (specifically considering quantitative easing) virtually all money in the entire system is "imaginary". The country is however many billions of pounds in debt, yet Gordon keeps spending.. Its monopoly money.

scudderfish - 14/5/09 at 11:00 AM

quote:
Originally posted by Mr Whippy
am I right in thinking your plan will cost the tax payer £20,000,000,000,000?! does the UK even have that much money?


£20 trillion pounds does hurt a bit, easily done though, just slap a £500,000 tax on every one under the age of 50.

smart51 - 14/5/09 at 11:08 AM

It seems you're even more Authoritarian than the current government, which is saying something. I'm not saying you're fascist or anything but you seem to lean that way.

macspeedy - 14/5/09 at 11:10 AM

and bring Jezza to power

Like the plan, if only

nick205 - 14/5/09 at 11:30 AM

quote:
Originally posted by smart51
It seems you're even more Authoritarian than the current government, which is saying something. I'm not saying you're fascist or anything but you seem to lean that way.



I disagree - this is what we need someone with clarity of thinking, a practical business plan for UK PLC (in which we're all increasing shareholders) and the metal to pull it off.

ISCMATT for president I say

(and yes, that does mean I tink we should pension off the Royals ASAP )

nick205 - 14/5/09 at 11:33 AM

quote:
Originally posted by macspeedy
and bring Jezza to power

Like the plan, if only



....YEAH - Jezza could be the Transport and Environment Minister

James - 14/5/09 at 11:35 AM

quote:
Originally posted by Mr Whippy
£20,000,000,000,000?! does the UK even have that much money?


£20 Trillion! That's about twice the value of the entire World economy isn't it?

To quote George Bush Senior: "A Billion here, a Billion there, it's soon adds up to real money!".

Cheers,
James



[Edited on 14/5/09 by James]

mad-butcher - 14/5/09 at 11:40 AM

I'm nearly 60 can I have an extra bonus, and if I give you 30,000 back can I be exempt from the british car bit

tony

Mr Whippy - 14/5/09 at 11:58 AM

My idea for over 50's is far more efficient...how much does a bullet cost?



note :- this policy only lasts for 15 years, till just before I turn 50

GeorgeM - 14/5/09 at 11:59 AM

I thought you could have a British built
car for £250.00

GeorgeM

scudderfish - 14/5/09 at 12:04 PM

quote:
Originally posted by Mr Whippy
My idea for over 50's is far more efficient...how much does a bullet cost?



note :- this policy only lasts for 15 years, till just before I turn 50


How thoroughly ungreen of you! Don't you realise that bullets are one shot only and not reusable? Crowbar to the back of the head is much more environmentally sound.

This is turning into Logan's Run.........mmmmmmm

Sorry, I was just having a Jenny Agutter moment there.

Daddylonglegs - 14/5/09 at 12:44 PM

quote:
Originally posted by tendoshingan
Faultless, do it immediately


Ditto! Vote for Matt

sucksqueezebangblow - 14/5/09 at 01:15 PM

Perfect, but please wait three more years to implement it!

Echidna - 14/5/09 at 02:15 PM

quote:
Originally posted by iscmatt
Dear Mr. Darling,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing Britain's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 20 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them £1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Twenty million job openings - Unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car. Twenty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £50 of alcohol/tobacco a week ......and there's your money back in duty/tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances


Nice, but to do this you have to change the form of government first!

woodster - 14/5/09 at 02:25 PM

Its a better idea than anything Mr Clown and Mr Starling have come up with ............... its time for a revolution .............. monster loony party for me next time

MautoK - 14/5/09 at 02:39 PM

quote:
Originally posted by iscmatt
Dear Mr. Darling,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing Britain's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 20 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them £1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Twenty million job openings - Unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car. Twenty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £50 of alcohol/tobacco a week ......and there's your money back in duty/tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances


OK, I've done/doing all that!
Except #2 is a 9 1/2 year old Peugeot 306 (unless you count an MK as a new British car)
Do I still get my million? Or do I put it on expenses?

Ivan - 14/5/09 at 02:49 PM

I think the idea is sound but spoilt by too many MUSTS which is typical of any government so you don't get my vote - there is only one must required:

They must use the money to start a business and employ 2 people not of their own family.

Now given their years of experience the business is more likely to succeed than other startups so huge economic and employment benifits will arrise.

Mark Allanson - 14/5/09 at 09:02 PM

Getting back all the swindled money from 600+ MP's would help out a bit - and a little more practical

Ninehigh - 14/5/09 at 10:00 PM

British cars? Where?

I don't think I could stomach 20 million pensioners getting in my way doing 35 on a 70 road in a Speed 6!

Unless Vauxhalls (made down the road from me), Nissans (made in Sunderland) etc are also allowed.

Make it £100,000 and maybe the numbers will add up a bit better, hell make it £500,000 I'm nowhere near that age

Hellfire - 15/5/09 at 11:52 AM

I'll just take the cash paid through expenses and then when I eventually get caught out in ten years time for making a fraudulent claim, I'll make a public apology and pay it all back.

Phil