mangogrooveworkshop
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| posted on 16/12/04 at 01:51 PM |
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Cheese Cheese and more cheesey facts
* Physists have sucessfully used the CERN particle accelerator to collide a 2lb Gouda with a Brie wheel.The resulting Franco/Dutch hybrid has proven
to be very popular at their monthly cheese and wine evenings.
* The 'Chase Toy For Cats', Cheese Mountain, requires 2 C-Cell Batteries (not included).
* Beagle2 would have been successful if it had been made from a medium-fat hard cheese rather than a medium-fat soft cheese.
* Davidstow Cheddar is so named because a chap called David once stowed a lot of it in his fridge.
* Cheese is for life, not just for Christmas.
* The reason peoples feet smell of cheese is not because of sweat as you are told, but because the God of cheese has blessed the person with a
simularity to himself!
* Emmental is a steady state of enormous general improbability
* Miss Manners advises that all cheese served at a dinner party be presliced, so as to prevent it from being cut at the table.
* cheese has been an important factor in every major historical event since the extinction of dinosaurs when they killed by a comet made of
cheese
* A friend once reliably informed me that if you place equal squares of Cheddar and Red Leicester cheese on toast and melt gently under a grill,
you can formulate the most wonderful mosaic. (Apparently it also tastes yummy as well).
* Lions will only each cheese if given to them. They will never ask for it themselves
* i noticed below the fact that the cheeky girls used to be called the cheesy girls. our son calls them the cheesy girls and we really laugh
incredibly loudly while thinking he's going to be really popular once the bullying stops
* The record for the cheesiest substance known to man used to be a little known cheese called Richochelie, which was a local delicacy in a small
village in the south of Italy called Richolembrie. However, this record has recently been beaten, by EastEnders
* Apparently, Philidelphia cheese was named after a state in America, although I can't remember which one.
* Making cheese on toast in the toaster by lying the toaster flat doesn't work, and your wife will have to buy a new toaster from Argos.
* It takes seven men 29 hours to melt 8 candles over a mini-babybell to give it the wax coating you all so easily take for granted.
* a body of a man found in a dutch bog in the 1970s dated to be over 3000 years old was found perfectly preserved along with his clothes, bow and
arrows, and a large leather holdall believed to have been used to carry a round of edam
* The Cheeky Girls were originally going to be called The Cheesy Girls, but, for some strange reason, they didn't think it fitted with their
image.
* You would be much more popular with family and friends if you worked in a cheese shop, rather than a fish shop.
* Scientists speculate that life could be based on an element other than carbon. Most probably silicon, being the lightest element with an
electronic structure analogous to that of carbon. Ha ha I hear you say; but will silicon based life forms like cheese?
* The only man to have had his full name named after cheeses was Mr Camenbert Stilton Roule of Weston Super Mare
* You can easily have fun confusing other motorists by replacing the orange indicator lamps in your car with small blocks of red leicester.
However, if you cause a car to crash on the A4 at the Slough interchange, you can expect a £500 fine and 6 points.
* The reason why cows can't jump is because if they did, the milk in their udders would curdle into cheese, which would block their cow
nipples, making them unable to milk, which would eventually lead to them exploding.
* When people talk of 'Holy Cheese', they don't mean cheese that has been blessed by the vicar and sprayed with holy water. They
simply mean cheese with holes in it. However, blessed cheese has been proven to ward off evil spirits. Or garlic or something.
* In Quebec they eat cheese on chips (fries) and pour a sauce containing recycled motor oil over the lot. You can buy it Burger King and it is
called Poutine
* One of the most memorable quotations by Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde was "cheese is wasted on the young."
* Doris Hare, who starred as Stan's mum in the early 1970s sitcom "On The Buses" was so fond of the world famous Carbolic Smoke
Ball cheese that she often had a case of balls flown over to her luxury chalet, situated on the shores of Lake Geneva.
* The Spanish surname: Gaudí, most memorably associated with the Barcelonan architect Antoni Gaudí, is a corruption of the word Gouda. Gaudí was
so fond of this association, that he briefly contemplated building the Sagrada Familia cathedral out of …Gouda.
* Stoneage flint arrowheads are not actually made from flint but are in fact napped from a special type of hard cheese dating from the
Pliensbachian period
* stilton. what's that all about?
* Roman legionaries used cheese extensively to build with, and while in Britain actually created a predecessor to Hadrian's wall from
cheese. This knowledge was lost during the 'Dark Ages' and was never ressurected during the Renaissance.
* Cheese tastes nice but it smells
* Paneer is cheese, but without the cheese and does very well in Indian cooking. Is it cheese or not? What is the criteria for cheese?
* The moon IS made of cheese! and if u dont beleive me you should watch wallace and gromit some time!
* Cheese boat racing is very popular in parts of South America. Small one person boats are made from cheese and raced down river for honour.
* Caerphilly Cheese became popular throughout it's native South Wales because it glows in the dark. Coal miners would often carry a piece to
light their working day, then eat it on the way home.
* In the outbacks of Australia, in the desert of Dubai and in the underwater ice caves of Alaska there are cheese tribes who will one day take
over the world and make your children speak cheese.
* If you eat 30 tonnes of cheese per year you will never die
* Cheese strings are ideal for making cheese vests
* nasa was founded to disprove the myth that the moon is made from cheese as part of the post war U.S chese standards council's efforts to
"clean up cheeses image"
* cheese was first invented in anicent greece in an attempt to find a cheap clay subsitute
* Cheese straws make ideal bedding for cheese rabbits.
* The incomplete cut of the curved cheese knife, coupled with a deft twist of the wrist allows a diner to surreptitiously acquire up to 60g bonus
cheese per sitting.
* The use of Emmenthal in early micro-chips was phased out after the discovery of Silicon. Early examples of the Sinclair ZX80 are still found to
have what were colloquially known at the time as 'cheese-boards'.
* Hans Lipperhey (a German born settler in Zeeland, Denmark) breathed through the holes in a piece of Edam applied to his face for 17 days, 3
hours and 21 minutes. No record exists to say if the feat was ended by his death.
* Before the crazy experiments with papyrus which led to the development of what we know as paper, early civilization wrote with an angled-nib pen
on cheese tablets. Clay casts of these tablets have been found throughout modern day Iraq.
* The Technical Services Manager of the Bega Co-Operative Society (self titled 'The Great Australian Cheese Company' is called
Elvis.
* The fictitious village of Lymeswold holds an annual cheese-trolley race in November. Participants are invited primarily from the non-fictitious
town of Bega in New South Wales, Australia.
* This is a public health warning: If you go to the bottom of your garden looking for fairies and you don't find any, it's because
they are indoors eating your cheese!
* While dining out recently at an Italian restaurant in Manhattan's upper west side, my penne arabiata came with a Parmesan
'shaving' over eight inches long.
* The name of the town Keswick, in Cumbria, England is derived from 'Kesewic', circa 1240, meaning 'farm where cheese is
made' from the Old English 'cese' (with Old Scandinavian 'k' and 'wic' (farm).
* A tasteless liquid 'pretender cheese' is used by some cinemas to make nacho chips soggy.
* Before the discovery of penicillin, mouldy cheese was used as a cure-all. It was the "miracle drug" of pre-penicillin days, and
would cure almost anything except for mouldy cheese poisoning, which was usually fatal.
* Sheep would eat cheese if cheese was grass
* Cheese makes you see better
* In 1 out of 3 song books there is a song about cheese
* 99% of cheese facts are made up on the spot
* anyone who dislikes cheese should be burnt as a heretic
* I love the cheese. Mit the hole est zerh gut!!!
* Käsegenuss kann vor Fußgeruch schützen und den Atem rein halten - insbesondere, wenn man vorher Knoblauch gegessen hat!
* Though you may think that the traditional grey squirrel may like cheese, and even admit to a certain degree of cheese love, i can assure you,
they do not like cheese one bit. Neither do they like ladybirds. I dont ac-tu-al-ly know if ladybirds like cheese
* In a live gig in a small pub in Hockley,1996, the former 'Right Said Fred' frontman told of how he was forced to change the lyric to
his successful melody "i'm to sexy for my cheese" due to a copyright infringemant on a B-side of an early Cliff Richard LP
* cheese is an existential construct and does not actually have any basis in the physical world
* If you look at the sun through a mature chedder you will see all the colours of the rainbow and realise the true meaning of life
* Mice don't actually eat cheese
* Arthur G Woodchuck Jr (b 1953), from the USA, was the first person to shoot a bullet straight through a hole in piece of Swiss cheese 3 feet
wide in 1987. More remarkably, Arthur is blind and managed it only with his keen sense of smell.
* Red Leicester has a resonant frequency exactly the same as the frequency Kate Bush sings at. So, if you were to play Wuthering Heights to a
piece of the cheese at approx 135 decibels, it will shatter into thousands of pieces.
* A farmer in sussex developed a cheese made from badgers milk
* A diving suit made exclusively from Wenslydale cheese will repel sharks
* In 1948 an Edam cheese washed up on the beach at Dover, was blown up with a controlled explosion by the Royal Fusiliers. Cheese rationing during
the war caused everybody to forget what Edam looked like and they mistook it for an unexploded WWII mine.
* A ripe piece of Stilton can be used as an excellent contraception. If it kept in the pocket prior to mating, your partner will think you have a
nasty fungal infection and then they won’t even touch you with a bargepole.
* The word Cheese originate from the Chinese 'che' meaning to smile and 'ese' meaning forever. Hence cheese means
'an eternal smile' and that's why people say it when they have their photograph taken.
* most cheeses will happily have their picture taken, but if you ask a garlic and herb brie to pose it will vanish in a puff of green smoke.
* The actor John Cleese changed his name from John Cheese.
* Fidal Castro refused to let the Auf Wiedersehn Pet cast film a 4th series because they were found to be carrying an excessive amount of
cheese.
* Fidel Castro tried to ban cheese from entering his country, after he visited the island of Tuvalu. He did so because he believed the Tuvalu
farmers were attempting to take over his country single-tractordly by selling cheese trees to the people of Cuba
* while on holiday in Brighton, a wedge of Red Leicester Cheese was used by my father to prop up the axle on his Sankey trailer, while a new wheel
was fitted.
* To enhance the smell and flavour of Dairylea, maufacturers use worn socks from the feet of bus drivers on the Route 66 bus in Warrington.
* Unfortunately for Eskimos are Lactose intolerant, so any cheese would to them be a powerful laxative.
* Red Leicester cheese is actually orange!
* If you have a door that simply will not stay open, use a wedge of Parmesan to wedge it open. (Roquefort doesn't work quite so well)
* Cheese is a great conductor of electricity and has been used to join pieces of wire together. if the cheese is touched however a shock will be
incurred. a wooden box is advisable if this is to be done.
* danablu cheese is partial to a bit of eminem now an then
* I had a recently very interesting cheese fact, but I've forgotton it
* two trucks of canadian goat cheese were recently confiscated when their contents were found to be turtle based!
* "A meal of bread, cheese and beer constitutes the chemically perfect food." - Queen Elizabeth I
* Cheese without blue bits is strictly for girls.
* Roquefort is just Lymeswold for toffs.
* Applying a mild chedder to your feet is documented procedure for the provention of ricketts
* Whilst holidaying in Hearne bay, Kent, in 1987, my 1.6li Austin Montego, developed a puncture on the rear passenger side. Using a ball of Edam I
succesfully managed to create a makeshift punture repair kit due to the cheeses robust chracteristics.
* Nelson Mandela survived soley on Red Leicester through his years of incarceration
* Mr A Peters of the State of California created a 6ft statue of Tony Drago from a specially created peice of Edam, further more he fasioned it
with his index toe.
* When washing a cats coat, add some cottage cheese to the shampoo. The cat will 'scrub up' very nicely indeed.
* Powdered cheese, when mixed with trinitrotoluene, creates an extremely explosive compound.
* Cheese is actualy an afrodisiac when used with pickle
* Tesco value cheddar is actually made from recycled bicycle inner tubes,bleach and beta carotene, and not milk as you are led to believe.
* penguins love cheese and it's all they eat
* the prefered music of Monterry Jack cheese is that produced by Dire Straits.
* Monkeys have been found to be allergic to over 20 varieties of cheese including traditional cheddar and brie. People in northern africa have
been known to hang bits of cheese from their bedroom windows to deter monkeys from entering.
* People in Tuvulu have been known to try and grow cheese. They would plant offcuts of cheese in the ground and wait for 5 months before realising
their efforts were useless.
* In Singapore 'cheese scenting' is punishable by 3 years imprisonment
* On the 2002 international list of humorous foods, cheese came 3rd, only losing out to sausages in 2nd and bananas in 1st place.
* In the 16th century, Gloucester was twinned with a city made entirely from cheese. Hence the name 'Double Gloucester' came about for
the local produce.
* Blue Vinney cheese is in fact so hard that an entire cheese was used as a replacement wheel on a train. The cheese enhanced the efficiency of
kinetic energy output thus the train was 17 minutes early.
* Early variances of Dutch Cheddar were thought by bakers to add the spirit of dead town Mayors into the bread mix if added before the yeast.
* Although everybody eats them everyday, nobody's yet noticed that Dairylea 'triangles' aren't actually proper
triangles.
* Important people in France are known as "Le Grand Fromage".
* Cheese was used as currency in 16th century Denmark and was used to pay church taxes.
* Californians are secretly pumping billions of gallons of Squeezy Cheese into the San Andreas fault. It has excellent seismic absorbing
properties and they are hoping this will prevent another catastrophic earthquake devastating the region.
* "Edam, Edam, Where For Art Thou Edam" was the orignal draft of Shakespears Romeo And Juilet Referencing the cheese famine of that
period.
* Cheese and Dave were originally known as Chaz and Dave, in the days before people had a ear for music
* The E.U. surplus cheese mountain is one of the largest in Europe, yet it is not shown on any map to prevent people from 3rd world countries
coming to Europe and eating it all.
* Cheesy Bugles are so cheesy they could almost be regarded as being real cheese.
* 'cheese' sounds remarkably similar to tease, bee's, or even she's!
* Terrorists don't eat cheese, hence their violent nature
* The best cracker to have with cheese is a Hovis cracker
* Cheese was invented by the Roman Emperor Julius Caesar, whose name literally means "One who cheeses"
* NASAs 1960's moon landing program was unofficially dubbed 'the cheese race' as it was an attempt to claim, and harvest the
limitless supply of cheese on the moon. it was quietly changed to 'the space race' when they found there was only rock and dust.
* Although it seems impossible, I have bred an army of cheeses that can actually dance!
* Much of the annual production of Emmenthal-type cheeses are wasted each year because of faulty holes.
* Cheese is a viscoelastic material that is able to flow under quite small stresses.
* "Age is not important unless you're a cheese." - Helen Hayes (1900 - 1993)
* "How can you be expected to govern a country that has 246 kinds of cheese?" - Charles De Gaulle
* "Cheese... Milk's leap toward immortality." Cliffton Fadiman
* What do you call a cheese that isn't yours?........Nacho Cheese
* "Many's the long night I've dreamed of cheese..." Robert Louis Stevenson
* What do you call a man with a piece of cheese on his head? Gordon Zola! Boom Boom!
* Important people are known as the "Big Cheese".
* Stilton is internationally recognised as being the best cheese in the world.
* Edam is made backwards.
* Red Leicester is internationally recognised as being the best cheese in the world.
* The Moon is made of cheese.
* Cheese is produced from milk that has gone off!!!
* The wax used in edam cheese is harvested from the ears of dutch gimmers
* Cheese and pineapple on a stick is one of the favourite party foods in the UK only coming second to sausages on sticks.
* Parmesan - used as a nerve agent during the second world war.
* Roquefort - The King of Cheeses, not to be confused with an American competitor 'Squeezy cheese' - The Cheese of Kings.
* The French cheese Brie was named so, because in manly households this tasty cheese is only around so briefly. (Ho Ho)
* Edam - The cheese used by the little Dutch boy to plug the dyke (so getting its name). While on the subject of Dutch cheese, did you know that
Gouda can be hollowed out to make clogs ??
* Yarg - A Cornish cheese cunningly named by a Mrs Gray.
The use of Emmenthal in early micro-chips was phased out after the discovery of Silicon. Early examples of the Sinclair ZX80 are still found to have
what were colloquially known at the time as 'cheese-boards'.
And thats the End
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timf
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| posted on 16/12/04 at 02:10 PM |
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conclusive proof that mango is indeed a mini-babybell short of a full cheeseboard
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alister667
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| posted on 16/12/04 at 02:59 PM |
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Now *just in case* thast wasn't thorough enough I present for your perusal a link to the Gutenberg edition (free, online) of
The Complete Book Of Cheese.
I have too much time on my hands browsing through the gutenberg project.
Cheers
Ali
http://members.lycos.co.uk/alister667/
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Peteff
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| posted on 16/12/04 at 04:32 PM |
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It doesn't mention Parmesan,
which is made from breast milk which has been regurgitated by a child, allowed to dry and then scraped from the back of a shirt before compressing and
packaging for reconsumption. edit:- I've just noticed its other use as a door wedge.
[Edited on 16/12/04 by Peteff]
yours, Pete
I went into the RSPCA office the other day. It was so small you could hardly swing a cat in there.
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jollygreengiant
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| posted on 16/12/04 at 04:49 PM |
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I think mangogroove must surely win the prize for the most imaginative method of filling the hard drive on which this site works.
Beware of the Goldfish in the tulip mines. The ONLY defence against them is smoking peanut butter sandwiches.
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mangogrooveworkshop
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| posted on 16/12/04 at 06:26 PM |
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Thanks guys!
Got to go to eat a cheese toastie for tea.
and ps since its only text its small fry next to some of the pictures........
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