Following on from previous posts re other interests, I'll declare that I have been involved in part time backstage work in amateur and professional theatre for many years. That is my excuse for posting the below, as anyone who has been involved in that scene will find it very true to life.

Apologies for boring anyone else.

Cheers

Fred W B

Things you'll never hear in the theatre

BY THE STAGE MANAGER:
It looks as though there'll be time for a third dress rehearsal.
Take your time getting back from break.
We've been ready for hours.
No, I called that perfectly the first time, let's move on.
The headsets are working perfectly.
The orchestra has no complaints.
The whole company is standing by whenever you need them..
That didn't take long.
No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE PRODUCER:
Of course there's enough money to go around.
We have money left over.
No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE DIRECTOR:
Wow, the designers were right, weren't they?
No, today is the tech rehearsal, we'll re-work that scene later.
I think the scene changes are too fast.
Of course I think that we'll be ready in time for opening.
The crew? Why they're just wonderful!
No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE DESIGNERS:
Of course all of my drawings were turned in on time.
Yes, it is absolutely my fault that the set looks awful.
You know, you might have a point there.
The director knows best, obviously I wasn't giving him what he
wanted.
We may have too many gel colours in stock, I can't choose.
The shop will have the costumes ready on time.
No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE PRODUCTION MANAGER:
This is the most complete and informative set of drawings I've ever seen.
We built it right the first time.
No problem, I'll deal with that right away.
I love designers.
No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE ACTOR:
Don't.... Let's not talk about me.
I really think my big scene should be cut.
This costume is so comfortable.
I love my shoes.
No problem, I can do that myself.
I have a fantastic agent.
Let me stand down here with my back to the audience.
I'm sure someone told me there was a wall down here, I just forgot.
Without the crew the show would never run - let's thank them.
No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE STAGE CREW:
There's room for that over here.
We'll get in early tomorrow to do it.
No, no, I'm sure that is our job.
Anything I can do to help?
All the tools are carefully locked away.
Can we do that scene change again, please?
It's a marvelous show.
I don't need this many on the crew.
No thanks, I don't drink.