Hints and Tips on How To Do A Poo At Work.
As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOO is inevitable. For those who hate pooing at work, following is the Survival Guide for
taking a dump at work.
CROP DUSTING -- When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know
where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has
left your pants.
FLY BY -- The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come
back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE -- A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poo in a cubicle. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal,
pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel
uneasy.
JAILBREAK -- When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover.If this should
happen, do not panic. Remain in the cubicle until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH -- The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poo has to stink up the
bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME -- Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment
if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be
Avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER -- A colleague who poos at work and is proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a
newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.
THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) -- A group of co-workers whoband together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident. Thisgroup can help
you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS -- A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly ofthe opposite
sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR -- Someone who does not realise that you are in the cubicle and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the cubicle until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will
avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH -- A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a cubicle. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or
to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE -- A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars
that you are occupying acubicle. This will remove all doubt that the cubicle is occupied. If
you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo inpeace.
WATERMELON -- A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming
on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANAOMELET -- A case
That is some funny shit...
You forgot the HANDBLOWER - When you walk into the bathroom and no one's in the open area quickly press the hand dryer button to mask the sound
of a WATERMELON and a JAILBREAK...
nothing worse than walking into the toilets at work after someones just taken a dump.
why can't people take a poo in their own house?
it actually really does annoy me, especially when people do it in the morning, why couldn't they have done it a few hours earlier? or in the
afternoon, couldn't they wait?!
a guy at my old work used to drop a bomb 30minutes beofre he finished EVERY DAY. and he only lived 15 minutes from work.
disgusing
quote:
Originally posted by blakep82
nothing worse than walking into the toilets at work after someones just taken a dump.
why can't people take a poo in their own house?
it actually really does annoy me, especially when people do it in the morning, why couldn't they have done it a few hours earlier? or in the afternoon, couldn't they wait?!
a guy at my old work used to drop a bomb 30minutes beofre he finished EVERY DAY. and he only lived 15 minutes from work.
disgusing
quote:
Originally posted by CaLviNx
A sh*t house is a sh*t house no matter where its located, we all do it so just get over it....... everyone has a right to take a dump.
Mate I work 10 hour shifts walking the streets all day or night with only 1 break for food. I can't even stop for a pee! Have to control my fluid intake and drink like a camel when I finish!
What are you a jigolo or something ???
Anyway, always at work - free water and paper.
Pat...
I've got to that point in life where I don't give a Sh*t (pardon the pun) what enyone else thinks about my bodily functions.
If you can't stand the heat, step out of the sh*tter.
If you run this: -
http://www.mrceri.co.uk/software/salarytimer/
Then you will quickly realise how profitable pooing at work can be 
quote:
Originally posted by Avoneer
Anyway, always at work - free water and paper.
Seem to remember similar discussed before 
Farting Clicky
Still makes me laugh though.
Years ago, before site toilets became compulsory, new of a bloke that would have morning teabreak reading the paper, then lay a few sheets on the
floor in a corner, drop his strides, have a dump, carefully wrap up the turd pacel, and go chuck it in the skip This happened every morning without
fail! And he didn't care if anyone was around at the time. Weirdo