Mk-Ninja
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 posted on 15/1/04 at 08:43 AM |
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Engineers
Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took
off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude! " The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George, say,
what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's
a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The
doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer
who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the
end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem
is" The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.
They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1; Knowing where to put it $49,999. It was paid
in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints," Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections." The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't
have enough features yet."
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed
time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a
mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful
princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the
pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've
told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
I'm an Engineer   
I'm sure I've got one, just don't know where I've put it
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Dunc
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| posted on 15/1/04 at 09:37 AM |
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3 engineers and 3 mathematicians were on a way to a conference. The 3 mathematicians bought a train ticket each and the 3 engineers bought 1 train
ticket between them. The mathematicians laughed at the engineers and said to the 3 engineers that its impossible for them all to travel to the
conference on one train ticket and they all boarded the train. The journey was uneventful except for the mathematicians wondering how the 3 engineers
would get away with having only 1 ticket when the train conductor came round and sat there smugly. Eventually the conductor came round shouting
"tickets please" and the three engineers got up and all entered the toilet together. The conductor checked the mathematicians tickets and
moved on to the toilet. Noticing it was locked he banged the door and asked "tickets please". The door unlocked and a hand came out and
showed it to the conductor. The conductor checked it and moved on. The mathematicians were amazed at this and decided that they should do the same for
the return journey. The conference came and went and the 3 mathematicians and 3 engineers met at the train station for the return journey. The 3
mathematicians bought 1 ticket between them but were puzzled when the 3 engineers didn't even buy 1 ticket. On the train when the conductor came
in to the carriage shouting "tickets please" all six got up and walked to the toilets. 3 engineers in one toilet and 3 mathematicians in
the other. After a few seconds one of the engineers came out of his toilet and banged on the door of the mathematicians toilets and said
"tickets please".
[Edited on 15/1/04 by Dunc]
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JoelP
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| posted on 15/1/04 at 12:45 PM |
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Beware! Bourettes is binfectious.
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Alan B
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| posted on 15/1/04 at 01:28 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Mk-Ninja
Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took
off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."
I guess I must be an oddball kind of engineer then, I would definitely have s******d her...
then took the bike....
[Edited on 15/1/04 by Alan B]
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Metal Hippy
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| posted on 15/1/04 at 02:20 PM |
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No, I think that just means you're a shi*t engineer 
Cock off or cock on. You choose.
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Alan B
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| posted on 15/1/04 at 03:52 PM |
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Hmmmm..?...never thought of it like that...
Anyway, back to my porn....
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Metal Hippy
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| posted on 15/1/04 at 03:54 PM |
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Your priorities are correct anyway....
Cock off or cock on. You choose.
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timf
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| posted on 15/1/04 at 03:56 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Alan B
Anyway, back to my porn....
a ha
so that's what you ment when you said you were rubbling the bodwork down a few weeks ago
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Alan B
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| posted on 15/1/04 at 04:27 PM |
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Why?....is there any other meaning?....
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ned
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| posted on 15/1/04 at 05:07 PM |
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i thought that was commonly known as alanb'ing?!!
beware, I've got yellow skin
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zenarcher
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| posted on 15/1/04 at 06:52 PM |
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sex
Engineer's definition of sex: 30% imagination 70% friction.
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Alan B
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| posted on 15/1/04 at 06:55 PM |
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70%...!!!!!!
Need to meet her..
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DEAN C.
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| posted on 17/1/04 at 03:24 AM |
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Try Graphite grease,or good old Lithium, this reduces friction ,so I've been told!
What kind of bike was it anyway?
DEAN..............
Once I've finished a project why do I start another?
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