Hellfire
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 posted on 12/9/05 at 01:29 PM |
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Stella induced story
Whilst having a few drinks in the local the other weekend with a group of mates, we got talking about cars we’d previously owned (as you do). One of
the lads used to have an XR3i, which was written off by the insurance company after it mysteriously caught fire – or so we all thought!!
After a few pints of Stella, the true story came out………………
Having purchased his second hand 1600cc Ford Escort XR3i, he was driving along one day when the engine oil light came on. Unsure of what he needed to
do, he phoned a mate up and asked for his advice;
“It needs topping up with oil” he was told.
“Yeah, but whereabouts and how much do I put in?” he asked
“Well, first of all, have a look under the bonnet and you’ll see a dipstick. Pull it out and check it, and you’ll see that the engine oil is low. You
then need a dipstick funnel and some engine oil. If it’s a 1600 engine, that means it needs 16 glugs of oil to top it up….. easy”
So, he checks the shed, finds some engine oil but no funnel. Off he goes to the local motor factors for a dipstick funnel. After being laughed out of
the shop and shown where to properly fill the engine, he returns home, phones his mate up to give him a bollocking for making him look like a tw@t,
and proceeds to put 16 glugs of oil into the engine.
Unfortunately, it only took 14 glugs before spilling out over the top. He then thought he’d been ripped off by the dealer and actually been sold a
1400cc XR3i, so he puts the dipstick back in thinking he’s filled it up correctly and sets off to complain to the dealer who sold it him. A few miles
down the road, he notices smoke pouring from the bonnet, so stopped and lifted it, only for the engine to go up in a ball of flames. He then called
the fire brigade, who eventually managed to put the fire out.
Had me in stitches for the rest of the evening just thinking about it………………
So come on.......... what funny car related stories do you have.........
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ned
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| posted on 12/9/05 at 01:38 PM |
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fell asleep on my moped and drove into a prickly bush a few years back...
beware, I've got yellow skin
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Jasper
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| posted on 12/9/05 at 02:45 PM |
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Ned - that explains a lot ...... 
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ned
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| posted on 12/9/05 at 03:07 PM |
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beware, I've got yellow skin
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chrisg
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| posted on 12/9/05 at 06:28 PM |
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After my sister passed her test, I got her to top up the oil through the dipstick hole for six months!
king of the practical joke, me
Cheers
Chris
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steve_gus
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| posted on 12/9/05 at 06:51 PM |
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2 stories, both about oil.
1. mate of mine used to be a leyland mechanic in the 80s. A lady bought a car in that was smoking like a bastard. Each time she had filled up with
petrol, she had religiously checked the oil level.
Remove cap on top of engine.
Peer in, cant see oil.
Put in two pints.
repeat process next time you fill up.
2. Me this time. 1980. Im late getting home. So im storming up the M1 in a year old ford escort estate mk2. Oil light comes on just prior to newport
pagnell services. Bollox. Must need several pints. At that time you could buy half cans of oil - about 2.5 litres. So, rush in shop, buy oil. Whack
whole can in - must need it. Start engine. lots of knocking noises from engine, and HUGE amounts of grey smoke.
friggin pressure switch had gone and id put so much oil in the crank was slapping on the oil.
Instant oil change /drain in the services.
atb
steve
[Edited on 12/9/05 by steve_gus]
http://www.locostbuilder.co.uk
Just knock off the 's'!
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steve_gus
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| posted on 12/9/05 at 06:58 PM |
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Another one.
About 15 years ago, when my kids were very young - 2 and 4 - my wife drove a 2 litre austin ambassador. Nice car actually. But it did have a fault.
Wife drove off, got to the bottom of our road, and found the screen had iced up. Park, get out, and defrost screen. Leaving the engine on, as she shut
the door, the central locking fired off.
Kids were too young to understand how to open the doors.
Wife is at kerbside, paniking. Then, she sees coming down the road, her mate in her newly aquired Citroen BX. Janet jumps behind our car and waves
arms at her mate trying to wave her down to stop her for help.
She just had enougth time to jump out of the way as her mate ploughs, unsited, into the back of our car.
She couldnt see cos of the sun
Upside was the kids were OK, and the demolished back caused the tailgate to open, which kinda solved the problem. Car was written off.
atb
steve
http://www.locostbuilder.co.uk
Just knock off the 's'!
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chrisg
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| posted on 12/9/05 at 07:28 PM |
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Possibly the best thing that could happen to an ambassador - I used to sell 'em.
Warranty claims for a rust holed front wing - two - count'em - two months old.
We once opened the boot on one and one of the charming BL gnomes had dropped a "three coiler" in the middle of the mat - lovely
Brilliant idea spoiled by the worst workmanship in the world.
Cheers
Chris
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rusty nuts
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| posted on 12/9/05 at 08:14 PM |
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Sounds a bit of a tall story Steve, a 2 litre Austin Ambassador/nice car actually?. Once worked in a garage where we had an old girl come in
complaining that her car took a lot of water to fill it up, she'd taken of the oil filler cap on her Austin 1300 and filled the engine and
transmission with water then drove it to the garage . Still had water in the oil after 5 or 6 oil changes
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Cita
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| posted on 12/9/05 at 08:32 PM |
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Once poured radiator anti freeze in the front screen washer can of my Cherokee.
Very funny when you want to clean the front screen with the sprayers and whipers while driving on the highway.
Unlucky my missus was not near the car when I did this or I could have blame her for this
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pbura
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| posted on 13/9/05 at 11:11 AM |
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When I was 15 (in the late 60s), I worked the evening shift in a gas station in a sort of crappy industrial neighborhood. One night just before
closing, a twenty-something guy pulls in with a tired white '57 Plymouth (a great whale of a car) emblazoned with swastikas and
"Judenpolizei" lettered on the sides. He has me fill it up.
The car refuses to start, backfiring out the carb. The guy asks for a wrench and I lend him one. Next thing I know, he's draining his fuel
tank in the parking lot, screaming about the "Jew bastards" selling him crap gasoline. And then he walks away, leaving 26 gallons of
Golden Boron all over the parking lot.
I wish I had a great ending, like him lighting up a cigarette in the middle of the gasoline sea. But no, I just hosed it down until midnight or so,
locked up and went home. The next day's light revealed that the asphalt paving was pretty much ruined and the station owner was holding this
gem of a car for damages. He never spoke to me about it, probably something to do with child labor laws.
Pete
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marktigere1
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| posted on 15/9/05 at 09:50 AM |
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Guy at work told me this one.
He was at B&Q when the guy next to him was putting some long timber into a hatch back (no details as to which one).
Rammed the timber in with little regard for the car and managed to crack the front windscreen.
He was so incensed that he slammed the boot down and promptly put the timber straight through the back window
Class.
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nicklondon
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| posted on 15/9/05 at 11:25 AM |
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in my old job as a windscreen fitter,i saw a lot of broken rear screens on sundays and bank hoildays after trips to garden centres,diy shops and the
rubbish tip.also lots of stories of husbands nagged into the trip by her indoors.
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JoelP
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| posted on 15/9/05 at 06:56 PM |
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my mate did that one last week
Beware! Bourettes is binfectious.
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