timf
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| posted on 23/4/04 at 03:14 PM |
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essex girl jokes
What is the difference between a walrus and an Essex girl ? One is wet, has
a moustache and smells of fish - the other is a walrus !
What's the difference between an Essex man & an Essex girl ? The Essex girl
has a higher sperm count !
What does an Essex girl say after having sex ? What team do you guys play
for ?
What's the difference between Gorbachev and an Essex girl ? Gorby knows the
names of the eight people that f***ed him !
What do Essex girls use for protection during sex ? Bus shelters.
How does an Essex girl turn the light out after sex ? She shuts the
Cortina's door.
How do you make an Essex girl's eyes sparkle ? Shine a torch into her ear.
How can you tell if an Essex girl is having a bad day ? Her tampon is behind
her ear and she can't find her pencil.
Why does an Essex girl wear knickers ? To keep her ankles warm.
What's the difference between an Essex girl and an ironing board ?
Occasionally you have trouble getting the legs apart on an ironing board.
What's the difference between an Essex girl and the titanic ? You know how
many men went down on the titanic.
What is the difference between a supermarket trolley and an Essex girl ? A
supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Why is an Essex girl like an old washing machine ? They both drip when
f***ed.
Why do Essex girls use tampons with long strings ? So the crabs can go bungy
jumping
How do you know when an Essex girl has had an orgasm ? She drops her bag of
chips.
What did an Essex girl and President Gorbachev have in common ? They both
got f***ed by eight men while on holiday.
How many Essex girls does it take to make a chocolate chip cookie ? Five,
one to stir the mixture and four to peel the smarties.
What's the similarity between an Essex girl and a dog's turd ? The older
they get, the easier they are to pick up !
What's the difference between an Essex girl and a washing machine ? You can
dump your load in a washing machine without it following you around whining
for a week.
Why are Essex girls only allowed 30 minute lunch breaks ? It takes to long
to retrain them if they take an hour.
What's the similarity between Essex girls and carpenters ? They both have
saws in their boxes
What did the Essex girl say after the doctor told her she was pregnant ? Is
it mine ?
Why was the Essex girl so pleased to complete a jigsaw puzzle in 18 months ?
Because it said on the box "From 2 to 5 years".
How do you make an Essex girl laugh on Saturday ? Tell her a joke on a
Wednesday.
What's the difference between an Essex girl and a fridge ? A fridge doesn't
fart when you take your meat out.
When does an Essex girl drool ? When she's full.
How do you tell when an Essex girl is having her period ? She's only wearing
one sock.
What does the label in an Essex girl's knickers say ? NEXT !
What's the similarity between Robert Maxwell and Exxes girls ? They both go
down in Teneriffe.
Why do Essex girls wear green lipstick ? Red means stop.
Why is it good to have an Essex girl passenger ? You can park in the
handicapped spaces.
Why do Essex girls wear so much hair spray ? So they can catch some of the
things going straight over their heads.
Why do Essex girls wear hoop earrings ? So they'll have someplace to rest
their ankles.
If an Essex girl and a Surrey girl jump out of an airplane at the same time,
which one would hit the ground first ? The surrey girl, the Essex girl would
have to stop to ask directions.
What is the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent Essex girl ? There
have actualy been sightings of Bigfoot.
What does it mean if you see an Essex girl with square boobs ? She forgot to
take the Kleenex out of the box.
Why do Essex girls like tilt steering wheels ? More head room.
What do you call 6 Essex girls in a row ? A wind tunnel.
What do you call a Surrey girl between 2 Essex girls ? An Interpreter.
What's the first thing an Essex girl does in the morning ? Goes home.
What's the mating call of an Essex girl ? Gosh, I'm so drunk.
What's the mating call of a Surrey girl ? Are all the Essex girls gone ?
What do Essex girls and computers have in common ? You don't know what you
are missing until they go down on you.
What is the difference between an Essex girl and a cream egg ? It costs 25p
to lick out a cream egg.
Why is an Essex girl like a beer bottle ? They're both empty from the neck
up.
What do you call an Essex girl with half a brain ? Gifted.
Why do Essex girls have to work 7 days a week ? So you don't have to retrain
them on Monday.
What do you say to an Essex girl who wont give in ? Have another drink.
What's an Essex girls favourite wine ? "Daaaaaaaady, I want to go to
Ibiza...".
What do you call an Essex girl with a pound coin on the top of her head ?
All you can eat, under a quid.
Why do Essex girls waqsh their hair in the sink ? That's where you wash
vegetables.
How do you get an Essex girl to marry you ? Tell her she's pregnant.
Why did the Essex girl climp over the glass wall ? To see what was on the
other side.
What do you see when you peer into an Essex girls eyes ? The back of her
head.
What's the difference between an Essex girl and a Porsche ? You don't lend
the Porsche out to your friends.
What do you do if an Essex girl throws a grenade at you ? Catch it, pull out
the pin and throw it back.
Why did the Essex girl stop using the pill ? It kept falling out.
Why don't Essex girls use vibrators ? They chip their teeth.
Why do Essex girls have trouble reaching orgasm ? Who cares.
What's the difference between an Essex girl and a limousine ? Not everyone
has been in a limousine.
How does an Essex girl interpret 6.9 ? 69 interupted by a period.
How do you brainwash an Essex girl ? Give her a douche and shake her
upside-down.
What do you call 15 Essex girls in a ring ? A dope ring.
Why did the Essex girl go halfway to Norway then turn round & come home ? It
took her that long to figure out a 14 inch Viking was a TV set.
What's the difference between an Essex girl and a terrorist ? You can
negotiate with a terrorist.
What is the worst thing about having sex with an Essex girl ? The bucket
seats.
What do Essex girls do for foreplay ? Remove their underwear.
What did the Essex girl name her pet zebra ? Spot.
Why did the Essex girl drown ? Someone stuck a scratch & sniff at the bottom
of the pool.
What do you call a fly buzzing around an Essex girl's head ? A space
invader.
Why did the Essex girl have a bruised navel ? Her boyfriend's from Essex
too.
Why did God create Essex girls ? Because sheep can't fetch beer from the
fridge.
How do you amuse an Essex girl for hours ? Write 'Please turn over' on both
sides of a piece of paper.
How can you tell if an Essex girl has been in you fridge ? By the lipstick
on your cucumbers.
How do you know which computer an Essex girl was using ? By the tippes on
the screen.
What did the Essex girl customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her
nametag) ? "'Debbie'.... that's cute, what did you name the other one ?".
Why is an Essex girl like a door knob ? Because everybody gets a turn.
Why is an Essex girl like railway tracks ? Because she's been laid all over
the country.
What's the difference between an Essex girl and a phone booth ? You need 10p
to use the phone.
How does an Essex girl commit suicide ? She gathers all her clothes nto a
pile, and jumps off.
How do Essex girl brain cells die ? Alone.
Why didn't the Essex girl want a window seat on the plane ? She'd just blow
dried her hair and didn't want it blown around too much.
Why do Essex girl prefer cars with sunroofs ? More leg room.
Why do Essex girls have orgasms ? So they know when to stop having sex.
What did the Essex girl's mum say to her before her date ? "If you're not in
bed by 12, come home".
Why don't Essex girls breast feed their babies ? Because it's too painfull
to boil the nipples.
Why are Essex girls like cornflakes ? Because they're simple, easy and taste
good.
Where do Essex girls go to meet their relatives ? The vegetable patch.
Why was the Essex girl disappointed when she received her driver's license ?
Because she got an F in sex.
How did the Essex girl break her leg raking leaves ? She fell out of the
tree.
What do you call an Essex girl behind a steering wheel ? An air bag.
Why don't Essex girls have elevator jobs ? They can't remember the route.
How do you change an Essex girl's mind ? Blow in her ear.
What can strike an Essex girl without her even knowing it ? A thought.
What do you call a basement full of Essex girls ? A whine cellar.
What do you call an Essex girl skeleton in the closet ? Last years
hide-and-seek champ.
What do you call an Essex girl with 2 brain cells ? Pregnant.
What do you call an Essex girl between 2 Surrey girls ? A mental block.
How do you confuse an Essex girl ? You don't, they're born that way.
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DavidM
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| posted on 23/4/04 at 07:33 PM |
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Is this your degree thesis?
"Regional Differences in Female Evolution in a Post Thatcher Environment."
If so I've spotted a couple of spelling mistakes!
Bet you've got sore fingers after typing that bloody lot.
Especiall liked the "she drops her chips" one
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