Strontium Dog
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 09:09 AM |
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An Apology
To the few people I have yet to finish some work for I can only apologies. I have been fighting a custody battle for the last few weeks after my 10 yr
old little girl ran away to live with me after being beaten by her mother. I had not seen her for over 6 months when she came here. I have spent a lot
of the last month in court or my solicitors or with ss and or caffcass.
My Mum was also taken seriously ill, some of you already know I have been looking after her for more than 10 years and that shew has been very ill in
this time. My dear Mum passed away yesterday and I cant stop crying. I will of course sort anyone I owe work to their parts but please allow me a
little longer as I just am struggling to cope just now and the last month has been the worst in my life. I have never known so much go wrong all at
once and now I cant stop beating myself up for not being there enough for my poor Mum who I loved so very much. I got to the hospital less than five
mins too late after 110mph drive across the moor going through red lights at 6am. I dont think I will ever be anble to forgive myself
http://s187.photobucket.com/albums/x319/zephyr2000/General%20forum%20uploads/?action=view¤t=3DEngine.mp4
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CRAIGR
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 09:16 AM |
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My sincere condolences to you for your loss . I'm sure your mother knew how so very much you loved her and would not want you to feel at all
guilty.
My own mother bless her passed away some 3 years ago now so i know how tough it is but the pain does ease with time .
[Edited on 16/10/11 by CRAIGR]
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RichardK
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 09:25 AM |
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Try not to be too hard on yourself mate, she would have known how much you loved her, people seem to have this inbuilt ability to do this although we
dont always show it.It sounds like that you did all you could, you are human after all.
Take care mate and try not to beat yourself up mate, stay close to your daughter, you will need each other at times like this, after all she's
lost her gran too.
Best wishes
Rich
Gallery updated 11/01/2011
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mouse
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 09:26 AM |
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so sorry to hear of your loss mate and the problems your having i dont know you but i do feel for you take care mick
[Edited on 16/10/11 by mouse]
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tegwin
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 09:27 AM |
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I am so sorry to hear this Si.
If there is ever anything you need a hand with I will do my best to help!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Would the last person who leaves the country please switch off the lights and close the door!
www.verticalhorizonsmedia.tv
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RAYLEE29
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 09:28 AM |
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I dont think you need to apologise,
cant imagine what your going through,
your mum knows you were there for her.
build diary1
http://picasaweb.google.com/raylee290/RoadsterPics#
build diary2
http://picasaweb.google.com/raylee290/KITCARPICS?authkey=Gv1sRgCI2AouyYgpuQmAE#
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jollygreengiant
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 09:30 AM |
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My Deepest Condolences on your loss, my thoughts are with you as I went through a similar loss some six and a bit years ago.
You also have my sympathies on the other side of problems as I have been an un-willing witness and party to a similar family issue that has been going
on now for nearly the same amount of time.
You must know that we are ALL for for what ever support we all can give. It does get easier.
Beware of the Goldfish in the tulip mines. The ONLY defence against them is smoking peanut butter sandwiches.
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Steve Hignett
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 09:30 AM |
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You will be able to forgive yourself, it will just take time - how much time is 100% down to your character...
My uncle Geoff had been the key person looking after my Grandad, more so than my mum at times, and he was on holiday when my Grandad died suddenly of
something unrelated to his ongoing illness. This happened on Xmas eve too, so it makes things seem doubly worse.
My second point, and I'm sure it'll be repeated many times in the time it's taken me to type this, is that EVERYONE who is waiting
for stuff from you will understand any delays, because you have done the only thing needed and thats to let people know where they stand.
Now, get back on with whatever you need to be doing to sort yourself out.
Kindest regards,
Steve (& Family)
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Andy B
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 09:46 AM |
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So sorry to hear of your loss, I lost my mother last year and didn't get to see her in time.The support I got from people on here was amazing
and people were very understanding while I sorted stuff out. Things will get better it just takes time as Steve has already said
Regards
Andy
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imp paul
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 09:59 AM |
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i dont know what to say but i do hope things will improve for you im very sorry for your loss massive hug paul
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Dusty
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 10:12 AM |
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Waves of sadness, guilt and even anger will continue for however long they continue for. That's normal and each of us in similar circumstances
would have the same. Every carer, brother, son, sister, parent can recall times when they believe they fell short, or didn't do enough, or could
have done more or could have given a little more time, or were selfish, etc. In a while you will accept that you did all that was possible for you to
do and that's actually OK.
It may have been theoretically possible for some god like person to have done more if being a carer were their full time job and they had no other
responsibilities but that person does not exist in this reality and no actual real human being could be that person.
My sister in law has just died suddenly, unexpectedly and all alone up in London. She was registered blind, diabetic, ex alcoholic, etc and only 57.
The wife is full of guilt. Why didn't she visit more, be more forceful when trying to get her to live down here in Plymouth, etc. The reality is
that SiL had a life. She was on the local housing comittee, RNIB organiser, something in Alcoholics anonymous, had a group of friends, the cats, etc
and she just would not move down and obviously to me should not have moved down. Doesn't stop the guilt tho!
Don't be surprised if you feel the occasional wave of anger either. Very normal when you are in such turmoil.
Try to look after yourself and your daughter and get by hour by hour, day by day and accept and try to cope with the turmoil of emotions that you and
your daughter feel. Concentrate on the simple practicalities. Time will pass and things will gradually improve.
I don't know you personally but you sound most admirable. Don't beat yourself up for not being perfect.
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wilkingj
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 10:26 AM |
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Deepest condolances.
I think everyone will understand.
DONT beat youself up.
Have a good old cry about it. Its not sissy for a man to cry, its a release of emotions. It will release some of the tension for you.
Dont bottle it up mate. It has to come out some way.
I Agree... stay close to your children. They need your support as much as you need theirs.
Your mum is at peace now, and she would not want you to live in guilt and sorrow. I am sure she would want you to have a happy life with your
children.
Many years ago, I used to visit the grave of a girlfriend's sister with her. On it, it said,"To live in the hearts of others is not to
die"
That was 40 years ago, and I have never forgotten it. It is so true. I still think of my dad, even 20 years after he died.
Again, deepest condolances.
Geoff
1. The point of a journey is not to arrive.
2. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Best Regards
Geoff
http://www.v8viento.co.uk
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owelly
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 10:32 AM |
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I'm someone who has never met you but 'know' you through Locostbuilders, but my condolences are most sincere.
During crap times, time-scales get distorted and things that were important one minute, seem utterly irrelevant the next, and most folks understand
this. You need to prioritise the stuff in your life, and not worry about other folks stuff. Hold your daughter closer than ever, focus on giving your
mother the best send off and then sit yourself down and take stock of the good things you have.
As folks say, time is a good healer. You can't change the past, but you can shape the future.
Good luck.
http://www.ppcmag.co.uk
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NigeEss
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 12:48 PM |
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Deepest condolences and my thoughts are also with you.
Been fifteen years since I lost my parents and although time really is the great healer I still
get moments where I think I should/could have done more. It's human nature mate. Even writing
this is bringing waves of emotion back.
As said, we're a decent bunch here and those waiting will understand.
All the very best,
Nige
Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.................Douglas Adams.
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tomprescott
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 12:55 PM |
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Chin up buddy, there probably isn't much any of us can do to make you feel better but I'm sure that all of our thoughts are with you.
Hope that everything works itself out in court and that things start looking up for you soon.
A bird in the hand....
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monck
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 05:20 PM |
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Sorry to hear of your loss
I for one don't mind how long it takes to receive my sump given the circumstances im sure everyone else will feel the same
All the best mate
Ryan
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swanny
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 07:14 PM |
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lost my mum couple of months ago and also just lost father in law last month.
like your mum, mine (and father in law) had been ill for several years and both felt huge regret at what their illness had put family through. am sure
your mum would have wanted you to live your life now, provide a loving home for your kids and to remember her, and ensure that the kids know all about
her as they grow up.
we'd all want to be there in the end, but for me to die knowing that you are loved means a lot more than just someones physical prescence.
imho
take care mate
paul
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lotusmadandy
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 07:26 PM |
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My sincere condolenses are with you on your loss.
It will take time but things will start to get better.Try to keep your chin up.
Andy
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Daddylonglegs
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| posted on 16/10/11 at 07:30 PM |
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So sorry to hear you're going through it mate, makes us realise how easy we have it when someone gets a rough ride like that. Here's
hoping things settle down quick for you, and as already said, chin up and you know there is always the forum if things get a little too much.
JB
It looks like the Midget is winning at the moment......
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Agriv8
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| posted on 17/10/11 at 10:58 AM |
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Strontium,
my deepest condolences - The next few days are going to be filled with emotion enough to streach anyone to breaking point add this to your all reay
full plate lett a few people down is expected.
Remeber the you need to be there for your family but also greive yourself if you feel things are getting too bad get intouch with your doctors they
will have access to refer you to a trained barevment councillor.
Your mum is at peace now no pain / no suffering - remember the good times and happy memories, dont dwell on the missed opertunites.
And remeber LCB has the answer to almost evertying 
Agriv8
Taller than your average Guy !
Management is like a tree of monkeys. - Those at the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. BUT Those at the bottom look up and see a
tree full of a*seholes .............
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Strontium Dog
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| posted on 18/10/11 at 07:36 AM |
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Thanks for all the things you have all said. Somehow it does seem to help and I'm lucky and have some good friends who are helping a lot. I
thought I'd be able to cope when the time came, but I had no idea it would hit me so hard. I wouldn't cope without my friends and all you
guys have said and the patience of the guys I owe parts to. Thanks everyone
http://s187.photobucket.com/albums/x319/zephyr2000/General%20forum%20uploads/?action=view¤t=3DEngine.mp4
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adithorp
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| posted on 18/10/11 at 11:34 AM |
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All the best mate.
My Mum passed away last year and I'd just left the hospital to get some sleep and failed to get back in time when they called me. I wish
I'd not left or got back in time, but I also know she'd have been more worried about me taking risks to get there, than me not being
there.
Things will improve. You'll have good days and bad (they'll get fewer and further between). Don't beat yourself up about it as
it'll change nothing for the better.
"A witty saying proves nothing" Voltaire
http://jpsc.org.uk/forum/
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