PSpirine
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| posted on 4/10/13 at 10:32 PM |
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BMW E36 328i Cabrio for sale (warning long ad!)
Following on from the success of the last discount sale (the VW Passat-branded shed), I bring you another irresistible offer!
It's red, like a Ferrari.
It's RWD, like a Ferrari.
It's got SIX cylinders, like half a Ferrari.
It's got a soft top, like some Ferraris.
It's got leather seats, like a Ferrari.
So very much like a Ferrari, then!
It sadly is missing the Ferrari badge, and some plonker in Munich stuck a spurious-looking propeller badge with "BMW" onto it.
However, he then proceeded, with ruthless and infamous German efficiency, to actually put it together properly (unlike a Ferrari). Which probably
explains why this car has been incredibly reliable, and actually driven a lot rather than providing shelter for the garage spiders.
A few more details.
1997 BMW E36 328i Cabrio
Private plate included L111LCE
Hellrot red (apparently that means Light Red red, but Hellrot sounds better)
Automatic with sport mode
Black heated leather interior
16" Genuine BMW wheels
Rear parking sensors
18 Button OBC
Around 103k miles
MOT - May 2014 (will confirm)
Tax free! No, I don't mean that tax costs £0. I just mean it hasn't got any tax (SORN'd last week)
So, it's raining, which is good news for convertible owners. Because you've not got a roadster, you can simply drive with the roof up.
Sorted.
I took this car as a swap with a fellow from RetroRides for my 740iL barge back in May when it had a full years MOT and a few months tax.
Used it for a few months in summer, but my car collection has grown somewhat now, and given I already have another girl's car (TT roadster),
this little gem needs to go. I would've loved to swap it for something interesting, but I have no space at all, so no swaps unfortunately.
Its glamorous points:
To be honest, it's been a great car and is completely original save for the wheels (which are genuine BMW ones off an E46 I believe), and
probably the most reliable car I've owned. It's got no boy racer mods, hasn't been "pimped" "stanced"
"decked" "cambered" "stickerbombed", bombed, crashed, or set on fire.
It's even got the original rechargeable BMW torch in the glovebox, warning triangle and the original windbreak, which does render the rear seats
unusable, but protects whatever extravagant hairstyle you may be sporting from aerodynamic disturbance.
Nothing has ever gone wrong, it always starts first time, engine runs beautifully and has more poke than a poking stick, gearbox is fabulous, and the
interior is in excellent condition.
It will comfortably sit four people, and actually has a decent sized boot.
It'll drift if you want it to, and is no Costa Concordia when it comes to cornering!
On my average driving cycle, which is probably a bit more thirsty than most people's, it returned a (calculated) average of around 26mpg. Will
easily top 30 on a motorway cruise.
It's rather solid all around, except for the arches (see below). The roof works, all four electric windows work, and the horn works. Useful for
"greeting" "fellow" motorists.
It's got a lovely M-sport leather steering wheel, lovely heated leather seats with no rips that adjust to suit anyone from Warwick Davis to that
Troll from Harry Potter.
So. We all love a discount. So this is how it works.
This car, on a good day, when the stars are aligned in such a way that they resemble the outline of Joe Pesci's face, would have been up for
sale for...
£1295 - already, approximately a 95% saving on Brand New Retail, I'll have you know.
But this wouldn't be Pavel's car sale, if I wasn't far-too-honest and discount further because of its few less glamorous
points:
1) I've not washed it. Neither have any of the lovely local Polish people who are a dab hand with car polish. Perhaps that's where the
name comes from? - Reduced by the £10 cost of a car wash down to £1285
2) The ABS and Traction control lights come on occasionally. This is clearly a wheel sensor somewhere, as it's an intermittent problem, and is a
slightly less dangerous game of Russian roulette as to whether it will illuminate or not. Both ABS and traction control work a treat when functioning!
- Reduced by £85 down to £1200!
3) The roof elastic strips could do with reinforcing (please use the power of the world wide web and google bungee cord roof BMW E36) - this involves
no disassembly, simply tying a few bits of flat bungee around the roof bows. Currently, when the roof is only used rarely, the tonneau cover lid
catches the roof slightly when lowering/raising. Since I have no shame, I drove this car with the roof down 90% of the time, and if you use it
frequently, this problem is small enough to never have bothered me. - Reduced by £100 down to £1100. If I find the bungee cord I bought,
I'll up the price by £2 and throw it in. Only fair.
4) The front headlight bulb is out. I may replace it, I may not. I like that the OBC tells you that the headlight bulb is out. Price reduced by the
obscene £7.99 that Halfords would charge for a light bulb. We're down to £1092 already.
5) It's automatic. Following on Ferrari's strategy of charging you more for removing features (like aircon), I adopt a similar approach,
and discount for additional features. It's automatic, so have £50 off. £1042 now!
6) It's got a few car park door dings on it, and a little bit of bubbling at the top of the rear wheel arches. No, it's not crunchy like
Kellogg's Crunchy Nut and won't scare off any aliens. It's minor, as are the dings and scratches. We both know you're not
actually going to have them repaired, but have £50 off anyway. £992 now. We're at less than £1000!
7) It's got that 90's red paint fade-to-pink colour thing going on, but only on the plastic bits (spoiler!) The paint on the body is as
bright as Professor Brian Cox (why is he not a Doctor if he's so bright?!), and the pink polishes up beautifully. Have £6.99 off, as
that's the cost of T-cut/polish at Halfords. £985 now.
8) The Odometer only displays the top half of the digits, most of the time. It's like a puzzle really. Except you can cheat and push the
"reset trip" button rather firmly, and the whole thing will illuminate. It's a dodgy contact. I've had one of those, could
never get hold of him, kept going through to voicemail. £1 off for your inconveinience, sir. £984
9) I think the spare wheel is flat. Punctured. Holed. Nor does it match the other 4 wheels. Come to think of it, I'm not sure it even has a
spare wheel. But given that it was flat, you're not losing much. £12 off for AA breakdown cover. £972 the price!
10) It's got a CD changer. It's connected to the head unit. As are two phone microphones in either corner of the dash (not sure why you
need stereo microphones, maybe this was owned by an aspiring musician). Either way, neither the CD changer nor the microphones do anything.
They're like still life. You can paint them. £25 off for a decent CD head unit off ebay. £957
11) It was in the past owned by a woman called Louise who purchased the private plate that now resides on it. Given that L111LCE looks more like LICE
than LOUISE, I suspect one of two things about this woman's hair. Either she had lice, or she was rather blonde. If you too are a blonde woman,
no discount for you. If you're a hairy bloke, have a tenner off. That'll pay for blonde hair dye. £947
12) AC works, but only when outside is very cold. Probably needs some gas. Or an AC compressor. Or it'll never work. I can show you the button
that opens the roof though, it's a decent substitute. £30 off for a re-gas. £917.
13) In heavy rain, with the winds just right, you will get the occasional drop (and I do mean drop, not Niagara Falls) from the top of the
driver's door. An umbrella would be unwieldy, so £1 off for a small towel, if it bothers you enough. £916
14) Airbag light has been painted. No, I'm not drunk, it really has. You can only really see it if you start the car up in the dark without the
lights on, the little man with the red balloon trying to shine his way through what looks like permanent marker. Why somebody went through the effort
of taking apart the binnacle and then decided to paint over the icon rather than take the bulb out is beyond me. I only noticed this a few weeks ago.
Which airbag doesn't work? Who knows. Part two of the aforementioned Russian Roulette. £5 off for a new permanent marker. £911
15) The car has an alarm, with a siren under the bonnet and a keyfob. This keyfob has a broken plastic corner which means you can't keep it on a
keyring, which is why I never bothered to replace the battery in it. If you want remote central locking, have £3.99 off for a battery. You'll
need to glue it to your hand if you don't want to lose it though. I can give you half a keyring fob from my Rolls Royce. Maybe you can stick
them together and make a Frakenstein BMWRR fob. £907
16) There are two bits of plastic trim that are slightly coming off - one on the glovebox, and one on the headlining on the passenger front corner.
You probably wouldn't even notice these for a while, but have £1 off to buy either superglue or gum (which is probably what the previous owner
used to try and stick them back). £906
So there you have it.
A lot of car, with a lot of MOT, for not a lot of money.
I honestly don't know of anything else wrong with this car, and it really is lovely in all of its Hellrotting glory.
£906
I have ears, so will listen to *REASONABLE* offers. I don't need the money as much as I need the space, but don't like to encourage curse
word-taking either.
Really after a quick sale as I need the space on the drive - it's preventing me from getting my other car on the road.
Honestly cannot consider *ANY* vehicle swaps on this. But am willing to part-ex with interesting parts for a Westfield/locost, Silver Spirit, Gen 3
Prius or Audi TT (yes I'm perfectly aware of the randomness of my car line-up).
I'm based in Mickleton, Cotswolds. About 10 miles south of Stratford-Upon-Avon.
You're welcome to come and view it pretty much most weekdays after about 6pm.
Thanks,
Pavel
Now with pics!
[Edited on 4/10/13 by PSpirine]
Is this a TRADE ADVERTISEMENT?? Click HERE to report it!
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PSpirine
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| posted on 4/10/13 at 10:35 PM |
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Can somebody please let me know if the pics are too large? I'm on a Retina display, so never know what the true size is for most people! 
Thanks,
Pavel
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nick205
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| posted on 5/10/13 at 12:08 AM |
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Another great add!
What's your day job Pavel?
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BigFaceDave
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| posted on 5/10/13 at 09:21 AM |
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Fantastic advert and very nice car, In light of the No swap rule in your advert if anyone else fancies it but doesnt want one with a roof that comes
off that might ruin your hair do then I have good news! I have male pattern baldness so I can get away with a convertable and would indeed like too!
But I have a E36 328i Sport auto that I would be willing to sell to enable me to buy this one!
Basically someone buy mine so I can buy this one please!
Failing that good luck with the sale!
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PSpirine
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| posted on 5/10/13 at 10:17 AM |
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Thanks Dave - that expands the target audience of my sale past those with no hair or those with ready access to a hair salon!
Looks like prospective buyers not have a choice of a metal or fabric roof. Take your pick. Both still come with the legendary 2.8 in-line six!
Nick, thanks for the kind words. I work in product development for a car manufacturer in the midlands. We make 4x4's 
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nick205
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| posted on 5/10/13 at 10:55 AM |
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quote:
Originally posted by PSpirine
Nick, thanks for the kind words. I work in product development for a car manufacturer in the midlands. We make 4x4's
I think maybe you should consider a career in advertising/PR, you have a very readable and engaging style of advert 
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waggy
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| posted on 7/10/13 at 04:53 PM |
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Well I can give you a little insight into your Russian roulette problem. Having owned one of these little beauties many moons ago I am well aware of
the problem with the airbag light. It's most probably not a problem with an air bag at all! Rather that the passenger front seat has a passenger
occupancy sensor that goes bad.
This happens when someone 'throws' themselves into the seat.
Or..... If your passenger is a big person, really! That's what my local dealer told me when my mate and I went to have it looked at. He's
6'4" and about 25stone....
I had two choices, get rid of the car.... Or get a new mate!
Sorry Cormac
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PSpirine
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| posted on 9/10/13 at 11:24 AM |
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Nick, if someone offers me money for advertising, I'll take it. At the moment, I'm struggling to get cash offers for the car, let alone
for the AD for a car!
Waggy, that's very helpful, thanks. Definitely haven't had any fat mates in it - nobody wants to drive around in it with the roof down
with me. I take it personally, but then I think maybe they're just queer
Cheeky offers now welcomed. Particularly amusing cheek is always appreciated.
P.S. *handy tip* Any farmers, this is perfect for taking produce to market, with the roof down, you can fit a LOT of apples into it.
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BigFaceDave
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| posted on 9/10/13 at 12:56 PM |
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It's a shame you can't take swaps as I'd love that! Come on someone buy mine so I can buy this one!
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blakep82
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| posted on 9/10/13 at 02:23 PM |
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Just in case someone has clicked on this expecting something of a donor and saw this car is far too good for that...
http://www.locostbuilders.co.uk/viewthread.php?tid=185797
________________________
IVA manual link http://www.businesslink.gov.uk/bdotg/action/detail?type=RESOURCES&itemId=1081997083
don't write OT on a new thread title, you're creating the topic, everything you write is very much ON topic!
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PSpirine
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| posted on 18/10/13 at 02:15 PM |
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Anyone want to take it away this weekend for £500? It's better than cars I've seen for double that, but my drive is feeling like
it's not living up to it's potential and is thinking of renaming itself from Drive to Park.
Otherwise the horror that awaits me is that it goes onto ebay for the full price - might be quite entertaining. If you think the ad's funny,
just wait till I start posting all the "serious inquiries" that'll come from ebay's finest.
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daveb666
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| posted on 18/10/13 at 02:20 PM |
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If you posted the above on Ebay it would probably turn into a viral advert and you'd net thousands of pounds for the car
2007bc Photography - Commercial and Wedding Photographer based in West Yorkshire
http://www.2007bc.co.uk / http://www.huddersfieldcommercialphotographer.co.uk
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Nickp
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| posted on 18/10/13 at 02:57 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by PSpirine
Anyone want to take it away this weekend for £500? It's better than cars I've seen for double that, but my drive is feeling like
it's not living up to it's potential and is thinking of renaming itself from Drive to Park.
Otherwise the horror that awaits me is that it goes onto ebay for the full price - might be quite entertaining. If you think the ad's funny,
just wait till I start posting all the "serious inquiries" that'll come from ebay's finest.
Could you convert it to manual for that price?
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PSpirine
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| posted on 18/10/13 at 03:51 PM |
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quote:
Originally posted by Nickp
quote:
Originally posted by PSpirine
Anyone want to take it away this weekend for £500? It's better than cars I've seen for double that, but my drive is feeling like
it's not living up to it's potential and is thinking of renaming itself from Drive to Park.
Otherwise the horror that awaits me is that it goes onto ebay for the full price - might be quite entertaining. If you think the ad's funny,
just wait till I start posting all the "serious inquiries" that'll come from ebay's finest.
Could you convert it to manual for that price?
I could.. but I personally quite like having an electric roof..
Oh wait you meant gearbox?!
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PSpirine
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| posted on 18/10/13 at 09:54 PM |
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It's on the bay for a week! Ad partially amended to reflect the target audience.
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=231076639361
Either it will sell, or I'll get a kick out of the unusual questions/requests/offers I get on there.
If it doesn't sell, I'll get back to the guys with the cheeky offers. Current "winning offer" is £350.
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jonabonospen
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| posted on 20/10/13 at 02:55 PM |
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If it doesn't sell on fleabay then I might be interested 
MAC#1 ZX10R WORX BUILD BLOG: http://mac1-zx10r-worx-build-blog.tumblr.com/
MY PERSONAL BLOG: http://jonabonospen.tumblr.com/
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NOTE:This user is registered as a LocostBuilders trader and may offer commercial services to other users
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stevio73
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| posted on 20/10/13 at 03:28 PM |
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A most amusing advert, that has made my day. Actually, reading that last statement back I realise how sad my life is. Perhaps I need something red
and shiny to make it less so?
I'm currently waiting for a nice man to put some crisp folding purple notes in my gristle gripper in return for relinquishing ownership of a
Yamaha XJR1300SP. That should happen tomorrow. After that, I may be interested in an extremely cheeky offer? Just a shame it's an auto,
I'd junk the zzr motor in my build if it were manual.
Quick as a flash...... Nothing happens!
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PSpirine
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| posted on 21/10/13 at 08:42 AM |
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Thank you for the kind words about my unkind words about my car
PM responded to.
Car is still on ebay, and still available!
So far the only inquiry I've had went something along the lines of "Hi, I'm not interested in buying your car, but thank you for an
entertaining 10 minute read". So not exactly a deal clincher there
Pavel
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PSpirine
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| posted on 25/10/13 at 08:34 PM |
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After offers of £350, £375, £380, £500, a motorcycle, many other BMW E36's, a monkey (?! gutted about that one, I think he may have been joking,
I was well keen!), the car drove onto a trailer and is now on its way to Lithuania. One of the easiest sales I ever made, and got £750 for it, so
pleased as punch.
Thanks all, that's it for this ad!
*ETA: SOLD SOLD SOLD (can't update title!)
[Edited on 25/10/13 by PSpirine]
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